GENTLEMEN,--With reference to the Midget Car you measured me for recently, I ought to have mentioned that I wanted patch pockets on the outside, in which to carry the tools. Yours, etc. FOR SALE.--Owner whose two-seater car is a trifle tight under the arms wishes to dispose of his pair of white spats. * * * * * "Prince Eitel Fritz has been telling the Germans that his father, the ex-Kaiser, is now 'legally' dead. We must get rid of that adjective without delay."--_John Bull_. "If you see it in _John Bull_ ..." Grammarians please note. * * * * * "CHRIST CHURCH, ----.--Wanted at once, for definitely Protestant Evangelical Church, light-minded colleague to share ministry."--_Record_. A chance for our demobilised humorists. * * * * * [Illustration: THE TRAFFIC PROBLEM. TEACHING THE YOUNG IDEA HOW TO TUBE.] * * * * * THE MILKY MOLAR. ["Last week one of my back teeth dropped out in the middle Greek."--_Schoolboy's letter_.] Last week at the preparatory school Where Frederick learns how not to be a fool, Where he disports at ease with Greek and Latin, And mathematics too is fairly pat in-- On Tuesday morn, the subject being Greek (It always is on that day in the week), Our Frederick, biting hard, as youngsters do, Bit a Greek root and cleft it clean in two. This was a merely metaphoric bite; The next was fact, and gave the boy a fright: For lo! there came a crumbling At the back of his mouth and a rumbling, And a sort of sound like a grumbling, And out there popped, as pert as you please, A milky back tooth that had taken its ease For too many weeks and months and years. An object, when loose, of anxious fears, It had now debouched and lost its place At the back of a startled schoolboy's face. Oh, out it popped, And down it dropped In the middle of Greek Last Tuesday week. Yet be not afraid, my lively lad, For you shall renew the tooth you had; The vacant place shall be filled, you'll find, With another back tooth of a larger kind. But a time will come when, if you lose A tooth, as indeed you can't but choose, You must go about For ever without; And, front or back, it returns to you never; You have lost that tooth for ever and ever. So stick to your teeth and accept my apology For this easy lesson in odontology. * * * * * PUNCH'S ROLL OF HONOUR.