"WELCOME TO PRESIDENT WILSON, HONOURED CHIEF OF THE GREAT AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, "To which we are attached by traditional lies."--_Headline in Italian Paper_. Once more _tradditore_ has turned _traditore._ * * * * * "At the doorway stood a Red Cross doctor, hypodermic needle in hand, ready to administer an injunction to relieve sufferers of their pain."--_Daily Paper_. We thought it was only lawyers who believed in the tranquillizing effect of an injunction. * * * * * "FOR SALE.--A Chest C.B. Gelding. Aged 41/2 years. Height 14 feet 3 inches, Veterinary Certificate of soundness. Schooled since August. Very promising pony all round. Nice surefooted fencer. Price Rs. 650. Apply to Brigadier-General ----."--_Indian Paper_. We gather that whatever he may have done in the past the gallant officer does not intend to "ride the high horse" any longer. * * * * * [Illustration: THE WORLD'S DESIRE. PEACE (_outside the Allied Conference Chamber_). "I KNOW I SHALL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A WHILE; BUT I DO HOPE THEY WON'T TALK TOO MUCH."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mabel_ (_on seeing some shoes of war-time quality newly-arrived on approval_). "MUMMIE, ARE THEY _REAL_ CARDBOARD?"] * * * * * THE OPIUM HOUND. Philip is a solicitor whose solicitations are confined to Hongkong and the Far East generally. Just now he is also a special constable, for the duration. He is other things as well, but the above should serve as a general introduction. In his capacity as special constable he keeps an eagle eye upon the departing river steamers and the passengers purposing to travel in them, his idea being to detect them in the act of attempting to export opium without a permit, one of the deadly sins. A little while ago Philip came into the possession of a dog of doubtful ancestry and antecedents, but reputed to be intelligent. It was called "Little Willie" because of its marked tendency to the predatory habit. His other leading characteristic was an inordinate craving for Punter's "Freak" biscuits. One day Philip had a brain-wave. "I will teach Little Willie," he said, "to smell out opium concealed in passengers' luggage, and I shall acquire merit and the Superintendent of Imports and Exports will acquire opium." So he borrowed some opium from that official and concealed it about the house and in his office, and by-and-by what was required of him seemed to dawn on Little Willie, and every time he found a _cache_ of the drug he was rewarded with a Punter's "Freak" biscuit.