Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, Jan. 15, 1919Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, Jan. 15, 1919
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
At last his education was pronounced to be complete and Philip marched
proudly down to the Canton wharf with the Opium Hound. There was a
queue of passengers waiting to be allowed on board, and the ceremony
of the examination of their baggage was going on. Little Willie was
invited to take a hand, which he did in a rather perfunctory way,
without any real interest in the proceedings. Indeed, his attention
wandered to the doings of certain disreputable friends of his who had
come down to the wharf in a spirit of curiosity, and Philip had to
recall him to the matter in hand.
On a sudden a wonderful change came over the Opium Hound. A highly
respectable old lady of the _amah_ or domestic servant class came
confidently along, carrying the customary round lacquered wooden box,
a neat bundle and a huge umbrella. She was followed by a ragged coolie
bearing a plethoric basket, lashed with a stout rope, but bulging
in all directions. Little Willie sniffed once at the basket and
stiffened. "Good dog," said Philip; "is that opium you have found?"
The hound's tail wagged furiously, and he scratched at the basket in a
paroxysm of excitement. The coolie dropped it and ran away. The _amah_
waxed voluble and attacked Little Willie with the family umbrella. The
hound grew more and more enthusiastic for the quest. Philip issued the
fiat, "Open that basket, it contains opium," and struck an attitude.
The basket was solemnly unlashed amid the _amah's_ shrill
expostulations, and the contents soon flowed out upon the floor of the
examination-hut. There was the usual conglomeration: Two pairs working
trousers (blue cotton), two ditto jackets to match, one suit silk
brocade for high days and holidays, two white aprons, three pairs
Chinese shoes, three and a half pairs of Mississy's silk stockings,
several mysterious under garments (from the same source); one
cigarette tin containing sewing materials, buttons of all sorts and
sizes nine empty cotton-reels, three spools from a sewing-machine, one
pair nail-scissors (broken); one cigar-box containing several yards
of tape (varying widths), cuttings of many different materials,
one button-hook, one tin-opener and corkscrew combined, one silver
thimble, one ditto (horn), one Chinese pipe; one packet of tea, one
ditto sugar, one tin condensed milk (unopened), half a loaf of bread
(very stale), two empty medicine bottles--but no opium!
Little Willie was nearly delirious by this time, and tried to get into
the basket, which was now all but empty. The search continued, and two
rolls of material were lifted out: five and a quarter yards of white
calico and three yards of pink silk. This exposed the bottom of the
basket, where lay a tin! Ah, the opium at last. Philip stepped forward
and prised off the lid triumphantly.
The contents consisted solely of Punter's "Freak" biscuits.
Little Willie has been dismissed from his position as Opium
Sleuth-hound.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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