[Illustration: THE FAVOURED UNIFORM. _Indignant Lady_. "I SUPPOSE _I'D_ HAVE HAD A CHANCE IF I'D HAD BREECHES ON."] * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. "For Sale, owing to ill-health, Pedigree Flemish Stock."--_Daily Paper_. * * * * * THE EXODUS. Like the last rose of Summer I'm left quite alone; All my blooming companions To Paris are flown-- Three daughters, two brothers, Two sons and a niece Have all gone to Paris To speed up the Peace. 'Tis just the same story Wherever I go, There's hardly a soul left For running the show-- Five thousand officials, Not counting police, Have all gone to Paris To speed up the Peace. There's calm in the City, A hush in Whitehall-- A thousand fair typists Have answered the call. Henceforward their clicking In London will cease-- They've all gone to Paris To speed up the Peace. P.S. An expert accountant. Has worked out the cost Of the keep of officials Who've recently crossed. It must be Three Millions; Mayhap 'twill increase If the delegates dally In speeding up Peace. * * * * * "THE THAMES RISING. "LONDON MILK SUPPLY THREATENED."--_Pall Mall Gazette_. A surprising change of affairs. * * * * * "Sprats in South London are 2½ lb. a lb."--_Continental Daily Mail_. This may explain why our fishmonger's price is 2½ shillings a shillingsworth. * * * * * "The story of an ingenious robbery by three young boys was told to the Stockport magistrates to-day. "The magistrates ordered them to receive the birch, usual way.--Reuter."--_Provincial Paper_. It was kind of Reuter to add this detail. * * * * * "It is understood an order has been issued for the demobilisation of men called to the Colours under the last Military Service Act after they had attained the age of 441."--_Provincial Paper_. There can't be very many of them; still it is good to know that the authorities have made a beginning. * * * * * [Illustration: _The Knight-Errant._ "MY DEAR LADY, I HAVE THE HAPPINESS OF RESCUING YOU FROM A GREAT PERIL." _The Lady (indignantly)._ "HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS ME, SIR, WITHOUT A PROPER INTRODUCTION?" _The Knight-Errant._ "MADAM, IF YOU HAD SPOKEN SOONER I WOULD HAVE ASKED OUR FRIEND HERE TO FULFIL THAT NECESSARY SOCIAL OBLIGATION."] * * * * * HOW TO DINE WISELY--BUT NOT TOO WELL.