"The Allies had threatened to destroy the Dardanelles if the Medina garrison did not surrender."--_Birmingham Mail_. So, being reduced to its last Straits, the garrison surrendered. * * * * * "MATRIMONY--Young Lady (21), good prospects, wishes to correspond with young man, similar age, with a view to above; no rebels need apply."--_Irish Paper_. But we guess there will be one Home Ruler in the family. * * * * * "Replying to a query concerning the rumour that Messrs. Guinness were in treaty for the purchase of the National hell Factory, Parkgate Street, a representative of that firm said this afternoon: 'We have no statement to make at all.'"--_Irish Paper_. We gather that the printer is a Prohibitionist. * * * * * "At Doncaster on Saturday, Messrs. ---- sold for £7,100 the fully licensed house at Armthorpe known as the Plough Inn to the Markham Main Colliery Company, the proprietors of the colliery being sunk in the parish."--_Yorkshire Post_. Not _spurlos versenkt_, we trust. Perhaps it is hoped that the Plough will unearth them. * * * * * TEACHING TOMMY. Here is a simple method of aiding the admirable efforts of educational Staff-Officers in the army. Let all Regimental Orders be interspersed with items of information likely to be of use in civilian life. Thus:-- 53. ... will be rendered to this office, in triplicate, by noon to-morrow. 53A. _Etiquette, Points of_. It is not considered correct to address an Archbishop as "Archie" unless one is on terms of considerable intimacy with him. In writing to a Duchess never commit the vulgar error of putting a stamp on the envelope; the sixth footman in a ducal household is always provided with a fund in respect of unpaid postage on incoming correspondence. 54. ... is placed out of bounds to all troops on account of an outbreak of mumps. 54A. _Data, Geographical_.--Of all fish those of the Bay of Biscay are perhaps the best nourished. An isthmus is a piece of land which saves another piece of land from being an island. The principal exports of Germany are prisoners of war. 55. ... to be read on three consecutive parades. 55A. _Theory_, _Untenable_, _Literary_.--The The theory that BACON was a pork-butcher and derived inspiration for _Hamlet_ by gazing at the viands in his shop has now been disproved. 56. ... and a sum of twopence per haircut will be chargeable against public funds. 56A. _Courts, Foreign_.--The Sultan of Socotra is entitled to a salute of fourteen popguns and one catapult. Before approaching the throne of the Duke of the Djibouti one is required to take lessons from the Court Contortionist. 57. ... and Company Commanders are reminded of their responsibility in this matter.