But when they realised that both applications would be forwarded to the same Divisional Headquarters for consideration the joke lost some of its savour. And when the Adjutant called them up and handed the two returned applications _pinned together_ both brothers needed all their qualities of toughness and rigidity which, as I understand, are acquired in the wholesale hardware business. L. * * * * * [Illustration: _Shortsighted Traveller_. "IS THERE SOME DELAY ON THE LINE, MY GOOD MAN?" _Naval Officer_. "WHO THE ---- DO YOU THINK I AM, SIR?" _Traveller_. "ER--N-NOT THE VICAR, ANYWAY."] * * * * * "HOMES FURNISHED COMPLETE." "Oak bedstead, 3 ft. 6 in., with wife and Wool Mattress, new condition, £5 10s. 0d. lot."--_Provincial Paper_, "One Parsel Furnishing goods curtains, cushion covers, etc., Rs. 26; one bundle babies, Rs. 5.--Apply Mrs. ----."--_Ceylon Independent_. * * * * * "Temporary Cook wants Hampshire."--_Morning Post_. Really quite moderate. Some cooks nowadays seem to want the whole earth. * * * * * [Illustration: POST-WAR PROBLEMS. _Adjutant_ (_who has been interrupted in his real work by a summons from Colonel_). "YES, SIR?" _Temporary Colonel_. "I SAY--ER--SMITH--IT'S SO UNCERTAIN HOW LONG WE SHALL BE OUT HERE--DEMOBILISATION, YOU KNOW. ER--FACT IS--_DO_ YOU THINK IT WORTH MY WHILE GETTING ANOTHER PAIR OF BREECHES?"] * * * * * THE VISITOR. When yesterday I went to see my friends-- (Watching their patient faces in a row, I want to give each boy a D.S.O.)-- When yesterday I went to see my friends, With cigarettes and foolish odds and ends (Knowing they understand how well I know That nothing I may do can make amends, But that I must not grieve or tell them so), A pale-faced Inniskilling, tall and slim, Who'd fought two years and now was just eighteen, Smiled up and showed, with eyes a little dim, How someone left him, where his leg had been, On the humped bandage that replaced the limb, A tiny green glass pig to comfort him. These are the men who've learned to laugh at pain, And if their lips have quivered when they spoke They've said brave things or tried to make a joke; Said it's not worse than trenches in the rain, Or pools of water on a chalky plain, Or bitter cold from which you stiffly woke, Or deep wet mud that left you hardly sane, Or the tense wait for "Fritz's master stroke." You seldom hear them talk of their "bad luck," And suffering has not spoiled their ready wit, And oh! you'd hardly doubt their fighting pluck, When each new operation shows their grit; Who never brag of blows for England struck, But only yearn to "get about a bit." * * * * *