Through some miles of trench they went Till they reached a swagger tent Where a German General sat In a highly polished hat (Clearly an important man), Studying a priceless plan. Ted; who felt he simply hated him, While the man interrogated him, Quite adroitly picked the plan off That astonished Hun and ran off. Teddy's captor, who to stop him Simply had to shoot and drop him, Fired his pistol twice, but clicked it All in vain, for Ted had picked it-- Picked the tool that looked so grim After they had collared him, While his escort dodged a dud Outside in the Flanders mud. For on Ross, remember, please, Flies were always ill at ease. But the crowning insult he Added to the injury Still remains to tell. As Teddy Snatched the priceless plan and fled, he Also pinched the polished hat, Saying, as he vanished, that, When in England far from here, He would like a souvenir Of the pleasant time he'd spent In a German General's tent, As a proof for English eyes That he wasn't telling lies. Though pursued by two or more Furious German Army Corps 'Twere superfluous to say That our hero got away, For on coves of Edward's mettle Flies are ill-advised to settle. * * * * * "House Parlourmaid wanted; most comfortable home; small family; good outings; last one 7 years."--_Times._ Quite a nice little holiday. * * * * * [Illustration: THE BEAR TURNS.] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, May 26th._--On the whole I do not think that Sir AUCKLAND GEDDES, who has now definitely succeeded Sir ALBERT STANLEY as President of the Board of Trade, is to be congratulated on exchanging the academic serenity of McGill University for the turmoil of Whitehall (Bear) Gardens. The modified system of Protection introduced under the stress of war seems to please nobody. While Colonel WEDGWOOD complained that the price of gas-mantles (of which I should judge him to be a large consumer) has gone up owing to the prohibition of foreign imports, others objected that licences were issued so lavishly as to cause British producers to be undersold in the home-market by their American, Japanese and Italian rivals. To avoid treading upon any of these varied susceptibilities the great AUCKLAND had to execute a sort of diplomatic egg-dance; but he did it with consummate skill and temporarily satisfied everybody with the promise of a full statement upon trade policy so soon as Peace has been signed. I hope this won't make the Germans more dilatory than ever.