PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 156. May 14, 1919. CHARIVARIA. "Where Stands Germany To-day?" asks a headline. She doesn't. At least Count BROCKDORFF-RANTZAU kept his seat while addressing the Peace Conference. This discourtesy however need not be taken too seriously. It is pointed out that by the time Germany has complied with the Peace terms she may not be able to sit down. *** The Soviet Government has adopted a new calendar, in which the year will commence on October 25th. We ourselves have always, associated the first day of January with some of the most repugnant features of capitalism. *** A resident of Balham who was last week bitten by a member of a Jazz band is now wondering whether he ought to submit to the PASTEUR treatment or just allow the thing to run its own course. *** Several of our migratory birds have not yet returned to these shores. It is supposed that the spirit of competition has been aroused in them by the repeated rumours of a Trans-Atlantic flight and that they have started to race on foot across Europe. *** "Where is all the Cheese?" asks an _Evening News'_ headline. A correspondent has suggested that it might be nesting-time. *** Wallasey's Corporation has decided to exclude boys under sixteen from the municipal golf course. No child, the Mayor explains, should be allowed to witness its father's shame. *** "Steps should be taken to make the clergy presentable and attractive," says the Vicar of St. Jude's, Hampstead. A little baby ribbon insertion, it is suggested, would give a certain dash to the carpet slippers without impairing their essential dignity. *** The Ebbw Vale cat that is suspected of having rabies is still under observation. The belief is gaining ground, however, that she was merely trying to purr in Welsh. *** North of England gas managers have passed a resolution urging the appointment of a Director-General of Light, Heat and Power. But surely the functions of such an office are already performed by Mr. SPEAKER. *** Swallows, says a contemporary, have been seen flying over the Serpentine. Most of the snap was taken out of the performance by the fact that none of them delivered _The Daily Mail_. *** A fine specimen of the rare white female dolphin, a very infrequent visitor to our shores, has been killed off Yarmouth. We'll learn white female dolphins to visit us! *** The National Historical Society have cabled to Mr. WILSON that they are supporting Italy's claim to Fiume. It is only fair to point out that Mr. Smith of Norwood has not yet reached a decision on the point. *** A Sinn Fein M.P. has been recaptured at Finglas, co. Dublin. It would be interesting to know why. *** The Board of Agriculture are of the opinion that rabies might be spread by rats. In view of this there is some talk of calling upon householders to muzzle their rats. ***