Our heart goes out to the American travellers who set foot on our shores at Southampton one day last week just five minutes after closing-time. *** In their recent match against Sussex the first four Middlesex batsmen each scored a century. We understand that in order to obviate a recurrence of this sort of thing a movement is on foot to increase the number of runs in a century to a hundred and fifty. *** We are informed that "a man arrested by Dutch fishermen in the belief that it was the CROWN PRINCE making his escape turned out to be a notorious jewel thief." The error seems to have been excusable. *** The case of the dock labourer who appeared at a County Court in a tail coat and white waistcoat is now explained. The man's valet, who usually looks after these things for him, had gone on strike for more wages. *** Charged with taking one hundred and forty-five pounds of his employers' money a Newcastle office-boy was stated to have been reading trashy novels. It was thought to be only fair to the financial papers that the public should know where he got the idea from. *** "I reckon I can drink fifty pints a day, easy," a witness told the Portsmouth magistrates. He may do it for a while, but sooner or later his arm is bound to go back on him. *** "Under British guidance," says a contemporary, "Persia's future is bright with promise." We know nothing of its future, but its present seems to be scintillating with performance under Bolshevik direction. *** "Cave exploration," declares a writer in _The Daily Mail_, "is a most fascinating sport." There is always the thrilling possibility that you may find another Liberal principle hidden away somewhere. *** Owing to the increased cost of living it is said that burglars will now only book jewel robberies of two thousand pounds and over. * * * * * [Illustration: CHAGRIN OF MEMBER OF ADVANCED ART GROUP AT NECESSITY OF MAKING THE LETTERING OF HIS POSTER INTELLIGIBLE.] * * * * * "NEW POLICY IN IRELAND. NO TRIALS WITHOUT ARRESTS." _Dublin Paper._ A good idea, but it was anticipated in the matter of jugged hare. * * * * * "Register as a regular reader of _The Daily ----_, and you at once disqualify for L3 a week during disablement."--_Daily Paper._ We shall be careful not to register. * * * * * ODYSSEUS AT THE DERBY. [Racing men will not need to be reminded that Polumetis (many-counselled) is named after a common epithet of the hero of the _Odyssey_.] At times the pulse of memory is stirred Out of a chronic state of coma By just a poignant tune, a rhythmic word, A whiff of some refined aroma, And lo! the brain is made aware Of records which it didn't know were there.