[Illustration: _Actor_ (_who has brought friend in for supper--to lodging-house keeper_). "TUT, TUT, MA! CEASE YOUR APOLOGIES. WHAT IF THERE IS BUT TWOPENNYWORTH OF FISH AND CHIPS? BRING IT FORTH. THIS IS BOHEMIA!" _Ma_ (_politely bowing to stranger_). "HOW D'YE DO, SIR?"] * * * * * BUBBLE AND SQUEAK. (_By a Grateful Student of the New English Dictionary_.) I can conjugate the modern verb "to wangle," And, if required, translate it into Greek; I can even tell a wurzel from a mangel; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I still can march eight furlongs at the double, Although I shall be seventy next week; I can separate a bubble from a bubble; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I know a catfish differs from a seamew; I don't expect Bellaggio at Belleek; I know a cassowary from an emu; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I'm acquainted with the works of HENRY PURZELL (My mastery of spelling is unique); I repeat, I know a mangel from a wurzel; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I'm proficient both in jotting and in tittling; I know a certain cure for boots that creak; I can see through Mr. KEYNES and _Mr. Britling_; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I can always tell a _hari_ from a _kari_ ("_Harakiri_" is a silly pedant's freak); I can tell the style of CAINE from that of MARIE; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I never take a DEELEY for a DOOLEY; I never take a putter for a cleek; I never talk of HEALY, meaning HOOLEY; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. I understand the sense of "oils are spotty"; I know the height of Siniolchum's peak; I know that some may think my ditty dotty; But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak. P.S. I know the market price of eggs in Surrey, The acreage of maize in Mozambique-- And now at last, thanks to immortal "MURRAY," I've learned to tell a bubble from a squeak. [Illustration: "OH, GEORGE WE MUST HAVE STEPPED OFF WITH THE WRONG FOOT!"] * * * * * THE CONSERVATISM OF THE LIBERAL PARTY.