And though I don't know what it means, I know what reptiles are; They love to make unpleasant scenes When people go too far; However calm he seems to be When only cut in two, If you go cutting him in three I don't know _what_ he'd do! A. P. H. * * * * * =Effect of the Greek Imbroglio.= "Asked why _The Daily Mail_ had been asked to send a representative, Mr. MacSweeney stated that Mr. MacCormack had cancelled an agreement with his agent, which meant the cancellatino of a number of provincial engagements."--_Daily Paper._ * * * * * "AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF } MARGOT ASQUITH. } POLY. PRICE 25/- With 43 Illustrations. A NOAH'S ARK With a real educational interest. Education without effort. Containing 25 animals, all perfectly drawn."--_Advt. in Glasgow Paper._ Not at all a bad description. * * * * * "The Oxford University forwards created a very favourable impression against Major Stanley's XV. at Oxford yesterday, and were not to blame for the defeat of the University by 2 placed girls...."--_Daily Paper._ Here's to the maidens of STANLEY'S XV.! * * * * * [Illustration: =THE HANDY LITTLE CAR.=] * * * * * THE PLACE OF THE TROMBONE IN THE BAND. When I speak of the place of the trombone in the band I am not referring to his site or locality. That is for the conductor to settle. My purpose is to give an intelligent reply to the oft-quoted query, "Why the trombone?" Everybody knows that it is not in the band for musical purposes. It is not a musical instrument. The man who could extract music from a trombone could get grapes out of a coal-mine. No, its _raison d'etre_ is mostly critical and punitive. It is there to see that the orchestra does its job and to put the fear of a hectic hereafter into the man who is out of step with his fellow-conspirators. The uninformed have a vague idea that the conductor should do that with his little stick. But I put it to you, what use would a little stick be against a man like the big drum? A meat-axe would have some point, but the difficulties of conducting with a meat-axe will be obvious to even the least musical. When the French horn, in the throes of a liver attack, sees supplementary spots on the score and plays them with abandon, or when the clarionet (or clarinet), having inadvertently sucked down a fly which in an adventurous mood has strolled into one of those little holes in the instrument, coughs himself half out of his evening clothes, does the conductor forsake his air of austerity and use language unbefitting a solemn occasion? Does he pick up his music-stand and hurl it at the offender? He does not. It would be a breach of etiquette.