You have no idea how difficult it is to write down the right number of _rows_ first time; however I daresay the General wouldn't mind a few extra ones. We represent the Nation As no one else can do; Without exaggeration Our membership is two. We rally in our masses And give three hearty cheers, With a tow, row, row, row, row, row For the National Brigadiers. There could be a great deal more of that, but perhaps you have had enough. Of course, if you don't think the poetry of my songs is good enough, I shall just have to quote some of "The International" words to show you that it's the _tune_ that matters. Here you are:-- "Arise! ye starvelings from your slumbers, Arise! ye criminals of want, For reason in revolt now thunders, And at last ends the age of cant." If people can get excited singing that, my songs would send them crazy. Then there is the Coalition. I have had a good deal of difficulty about this, but I think that at last I have hit the right note; all my first efforts were too dignified. This goes to a darkie tune:-- THE PIEBALD MARE. Air--_Camptown Ladies._ Down-town darkies all declare, Doo-dah, doo-dah, There never was a hoss like the piebald mare, Doo-dah, doo-dah day! One half dark and the other half pale, Doo-dah, doo-dah, Two fat heads and a great big tail, Doo-dah, doo-dah day! _Chorus._ Gwine to run all night, Gwine to run all day! I put my money on the piebald mare Because she run both way. Little old DAVE he ride dat hoss, Doo-dah, doo-dah, Where'll she be if he takes a toss? Doo-dah, doo-dah day! De people try to push him off, Doo-dah, doo-dah, De more dey push de more he scoff, Doo-dah, doo-dah day! _Chorus._ Gwine to run, &c. Over the largest fence they bound, Doo-dah, doo-dah, Things exploding all around, Doo-dah, doo-dah day! One fine day dat hoss will burst, Doo-dah, doo-dah, But little old DAVE he'll _walk_ in first, Doo-dah, doo-dah day! _Chorus._ Gwine to run, &c. Once again, merely written down, the words do _not_ thrill, but I hope none of the parties will definitely reject these hymns till they have heard them actually sung; if necessary I will give a trial rendering myself. The other day, when we were playing charades and had to act L, we did _Lloyd George and the Coalition_; and the people who were acting the Coalition sang the above song with really wonderful effect. It is true that the other side thought we were acting _Legion and the Gadarene Swine_, but that must have been because of something faulty in our make-up. The sound of this great anthem was sufficiently impressive to make one long to hear the real Coalition shouting it all along Downing Street. It is a solo with chorus, you understand, and the Coalition come in with a great roar of excitement and fervour on _Doo-dah! Doo-dah!_ Yes, I like that.