And why is it that, when you tell a man there are so many million stars in the skies, he will believe you, but the moment he sees a notice on a gate bearing the words "Wet Paint" he puts his finger upon it just to find out for himself? And why did Mrs. ASQUITH----But perhaps that will be enough for the Professor to be going on with. * * * * * =Commercial Candour.= "My Studio is the most up-to-date and my methods of photography just a little bit different."--_Canadian Paper._ * * * * * [Illustration: _Hostess._ "WHAT--GOING ALREADY? WHY, IT'S ONLY THREE O'CLOCK." _Guest._ "I KNOW. BUT I'M DEAD TIRED, AND I'VE GOT TO BE UP EARLY FOR A '_DEJEUNER DANSANT_.'"] * * * * * A NOTE ON THE DRAMA. ["_Hamlet_ was not a business man."--Mr. A. B. WALKLEY.] Had he but learned the useful knowledge And that essential grasp of things Which training at a business college (If diligently followed) brings, We should have had, no doubt, A _Hamlet_ with the "moody" Dane left out. He'd not have stalked in gloomy fashion Nor wanted to soliloquise, But rather, undisturbed by passion, He would have sat Napoleon-wise, Chewing an unlit weed And talking down the telephone (full speed). Planning a "book" to suit his players, He would have sought a theme less grim, For tragedies are doubtful payers; Revue would be the stuff for him, Scanty in dress and plot, With dancers featuring the Hammy Trot. He missed one glorious proposition-- The money would have come in stacks If he had shown the Apparition For half-a-crown (including tax), And, though 'twas after eight, Added a side-line trade in chocolate. At other stunts we find him lacking; Thus, when he met _Laertes_, he Did not secure a proper backing Nor nominate the referee; And, what was even worse, Did no finessing for a bigger purse. Had _Hamlet_ made it his endeavour To seize each chance of lawful gain, Certain it is that there would never Have been a doubt that he was sane; And then perhaps Act Five Had left some people--one or two--alive. * * * * * =Christmas and the Children.=