"At the dress-rehearsal the night before the performance we debated the weather prospects until the moon rose. _Lysander_ said his bit of seaweed which he brought from Bognor was as dry as parched peas and he would back it against any fool barometer. Cocklewhite, our prompter, said he didn't want to depress the company, but he had a leech in a bottle of water which rose for fine weather and sank for wet, and he was bound to tell us it was like lead at the bottom at the present moment. _Hermia_ pointed to the heavens, 'Red sky at night shepherds' delight,' she quoted. There was no getting away from the swallows; they were nose-diving to a bird. 'Hang swallows,' _Oberon_ said; 'put your trust in mosquitoes. Look at my eyelid.' "'It's no good talking,' _Theseus_ said; 'nobody can tell until the morning, and then it'll be up to _Bottom_ to decide by 11.30 whether it's to be indoors or out. He's our stage-manager and we know his arrangements in case of rain. They're the only arrangements possible in our little village, and it's going to be a nightmare instead of a dream if they have to be carried out. But we can depend upon _Bottom_ to make a wise decision. He'll notify us and the boy-scouts will notify the audience. All we've got to do is not to grouse.' "Cocklewhite said he would phone me the position of his leech at 9 A.M., and _Lysander_ promised to report any change in the condition of the seaweed. I set our glass and _Titania_ and I got up at half-hour intervals during the night and tapped it. It refused to budge either way. "At dawn _Titania_ looked out of the window and gave a wild cry. 'Red sky in the morning shepherds' warning,' she wailed. At breakfast Cocklewhite phoned that his leech was dead, and he had strong suspicions it had died from atmospheric pressure. Almost at the same moment _Lysander_ sent word that his seaweed had gone clammy during the night. Half-an-hour later came a clap of thunder and the drops of rain I mentioned. I needn't go on. You can guess the rest." Melhuish paused. "But the performance came off, didn't it?" I said. "Yes, in the Parish Hall. It was a perfect day for a pastoral." * * * * * [Illustration: _Profiteer._ "I WANT YOU TO PAINT ME WITH A BOOK IN MY 'AND AND MY VALET STANDIN' UNOBTRUSIVELY IN THE BACKGROUND IN CASE I MIGHT WISH TO CALL 'IM."] * * * * * A CLEAN HITTER. "J. ---- carried his bath through the innings."--_Scotch Paper._ * * * * * "Fishing near the bridge on Monday a schoolboy caught a chub with artificial fly weighing 2lbs. 15ozs."--_Local Paper._ It is supposed that the unfortunate fish was struck on the head and stunned. * * * * * "After long delays a new Polish Cabinet has been formed under Mr. Grabski. He would annex much Russian territory outright."--_Weekly Paper._