Produced by gvb, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net Transcriber's note: The original has a number of inconsistent spellings and punctuation. Five corrections have been made for obvious typographical errors; these, as well as one doubtful spelling, have been noted individually in the text. All notes are surrounded by braces {}. Text in italics in the original is shown between _underlines_; superscript (one instance in this book) is marked by a caret (^). PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI VOL. 159 NOVEMBER 24, 1920. CHARIVARIA. No sooner had the League of Nations met at Geneva than news came of the pending retirement of Mr. CHARLIE CHAPLIN. We never seem to be able to keep more than one Great Idea going at a time. * * * "Have you read Mrs. Asquith's Book?" asks an evening paper advertisement. "What book?" may we ask. * * * "In our generation," says Dean INGE, "there are no great men." It is said that Sir ERIC GEDDES will not take this lying down. * * * Since the Gloomy Dean's address at Wigmore Hall it is suggested that the world should be sold to defray expenses while there is yet time. * * * "What is wanted to-day," says Mr. H. M. RIODEN, "is a Destruction of Pests Bill." "Jaded Householder" writes to say that when this becomes law anybody can have the name of his rate-collector. * * * "M. RHALLIS, the new Greek Premier," says _The Evening News_, "is a regular reader of _The Daily Mail_." We had felt all along he was one of us. * * * "Dendrology," says a contemporary, "is an admirable pursuit for women." We seem to remember, however, that one of the earliest female arboriculturists made a sad mess of it. * * * According to the U.S.A. Bureau of Standards the pressure of the jaw during mastication is eleven tons to the square inch. If this is propaganda work on behalf of the United States' bacon industry we regard it as particularly crude. * * * A Sioux City millionaire is said to have paid two hundred pounds for a goat. He claims that it is the only thing in Iowa that has whiskers and isn't thirsty. * * * "Mr. Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, has just visited Edinburgh, his birthplace, after an absence of fifty years," says a news item. We can only say that if he invented _our_ telephone he had reason to keep away. * * * "After all," says an evening paper, "the Coalition is only human." _The Times_, however, is not quite so sure about it. * * * It is said that Mr. BOTTOMLEY is about to make a powerful announcement to the effect that the present year will be nearly all over by Christmas. * * * In connection with the Ministry of Health Bill, we read, not a penny of additional expenditure or expense will fall on the ratepayer or taxpayer. People are now wondering whether the Government thought of that one themselves. * * *