The girl, having ceased her chatter, took the telegram and began feverishly to count the words. Then her tapping pencil slowed down and her brows contracted; she was assimilating their meaning. Then, with a blush, and a very becoming one, she looked at me with an expression of distress and said, "Do you really want this to go?" "No," I said, withdrawing the money. "I'm sorry I was not more attentive," she said. "That's all right," I replied. "Tear it up." And I came away, feeling, with a certain glow of satisfaction not unmixed with self-righteousness, that I had done something to raise the post-office standard and to ensure better attention. But the joke is that, if I had myself received better attention, I should have lost thirty pounds, for St. Vitus was unplaced. This story must therefore remain without a moral. E.V.L. * * * * * =Notice in a Shop Window.= "Hats made to order, or revenerated." Ah! that's what's wanted so badly to-day for the headgear of the Higher Clergy. * * * * * "V.C.W. Jupp, the Sussex amateur, has been invited to become a member of the M.C.C. team, which leaves for Australia on Saturday. A fine all-round cricketer, Jupp is a useful man to any team, but as he usually fields cover-point his inclusion would not necessarily improve the side in its weakest point--_viz._, the lack of oilfields."--_Daily Paper._ Surely the fewer the better, if that's where the butter-fingers come from. * * * * * BETWEEN TWO STOOLS. [Dedicated to those high-minded and dispassionate leader-writers who, after prefacing their remarks with the declaration that "we hold no brief for--" extreme views of all sorts, proceed to show that the conduct of the extremist is invariably explained, if not justified, by the iniquities of the Coalition Government.] I hold no brief for LENIN Or TROTSKY or their breed; Their way of doing men in Is foreign to my creed; But, since to me LLOYD GEORGE is A source of deeper dread, For Bolshevistic orgies A great deal may be said. I hold a brief for no land That tramples on its kin; My heart once bled for Poland And groaned for Russia's sin; But, if to clear the tangle WINSTON is given his head, I feel that General WRANGEL Were better downed and dead. I hold no brief--I swear it-- For militant Sinn Fein; I really cannot bear it When constables are slain; But if you mention CARSON I feel that for the spread Of murder and of arson A good deal can be said. I hold no brief for SMILLIE Or for the miners' claims; I disapprove most highly Of many of their aims; But when I see the Wizard Enthroned in ASQUITH'S stead, It cuts me to the gizzard And dyes my vision Red.