I hold no brief for madmen On revolution bent, For bitter or for bad men On anarchy intent; But sooner far than "stop" them With Coalition lead, To foster and to prop them I'd leave no word unsaid. * * * * * =Our Decadent Poets.= Extract from an Indian's petition:-- "... to look after my old father, who leads sickly life, and is going from bad to verse every day." * * * * * "So far from Mr. Kameneff having had nothing to do with any realisation of jewels, he ... took plains to report it to his Government."--_Daily Paper._ In fact, he took the necessary steppes. * * * * * "A privately owned aeroplane, flying from London to the Isle of Wight, descended in a field near Carnforth, seven miles north of Morecambe Bay. The propeller was broken, but the occupants, a lady and a gentleman, escaped with a shaking."--_Daily Paper._ The real shock came when they found out where they were. * * * * * [Illustration: =THE PRESS PHOTOGRAPH.= WHEN A FELLOW GETS HIS-- PHOTO TAKEN FOR THE PAPERS-- I THINK IT'S ROTTEN BAD FORM-- ON THE PART OF ANOTHER FELLOW-- TO SPOIL THE PICTURE BY INTRUDING A BALL-- AT THE CRUCIAL MOMENT.] * * * * * THE HANDY MAN. The men I most admire at the present time, though I take care not to tell them so to their faces, are the men who can do everything. By this I don't mean people of huge intellectual attainments, like Cabinet Ministers, or tremendous physical powers, like _Tarzan_ of the Apes. It must be very nice to be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with KRASSIN or to write articles for the Sunday picture-papers, and very nice also to swing rapidly through the tree-tops, say, in Eaton Square; but none of these gifts is much help when the door-handle comes off. I hate that sort of thing to happen in a house. In the Victorian age, of course, which was one of specialisation based upon peace and plenty, one simply sent for a door-handle replacer and he put it right. But nowadays the Door-handle Replacers' Union is probably affiliated to an amalgamation which is discussing sympathetic action with somebody who is striking, so nothing is done. This means that for weeks and weeks, whenever one tries to go out of the room, there is a loud crash like a 9.2 on the further side and a large blunt dagger clutched melodramatically in the right hand, and nobody to murder with it. The man who can do everything is the kind of man who can mend a thing like a broken door-handle as soon as look at it. He always knows which of the funny things you push or pull on any kind of machine to make it go or stop, and what is wrong with the cistern and the drawing-room clock.