_G. B. (irrelevantly)._ Look here! I at _once_ admit you've got more brain than I have. _B. B. (handsomely)._ Not at all--it's you that have got more brain than me. _G. B. (rejecting this overture suspiciously)._ I've more principle at any rate, and, to tell you the truth, I'm not going to put up with this dashed impertinent treatment any longer! _B. B._ You're not, eh? Then lend me five shillings. _G. B. (desperately)._ Here, Waiter--bill. I pay for this gentleman. _Waiter (after adding up the items)._ One and four, if you please. [_The G. B. pays._ _B. B._ And dashed cheap too! [_A small Cook-boy in white comes up to_ Waiter _and whispers_. _Waiter._ Ze boy say zat gentilman (_pointing to_ B. B.) tell him to give twopence for him to ze Cook. _G. B. (austerely)._ I have nothing to do with that--he must settle it with him. _B. B. (with fierce indignation)._ It's a lie! I gave the boy the money. It was a penny! _Waiter (impassively)._ Ze boy say you did not give nosing. _B. B. (to G. B.)._ Be d----d! Don't you pay it--it's a rascally imposition! See, Garcong, I'll tell you in French. _J'ai donné l'homme, le chef, doo soo (holding up two fingers) pour lui-même-à servir._ _G. B._ I'm sorry to have to say it--but I don't believe your story. [_To the B. B._ _B. B. (rising)._ I'm going to have it out with Cook. (_Lurches up to door leading to kitchen and exit. Sounds of altercation below. Re-enter B. B. pursued by Voice. B. B. turning at door._) What did you say? _Voice._ I say you are dronken Ingelis pig, _cochon, va_! _B. B. Well,--_it's just as well you didn't say any more. (_Goes up to_ Waiter, _confidentially_). That man down there was mos' insultin'--_mos'_ insultin'. But, there, I'll give _you_ the penny--there it is. (_Presses that coin into_ Waiter's _hand and closes his fingers over it._) Put it in your pocket, quick--say no more 'bout it, Goo' ni'. Only--remember (_pausing on threshold à la Charles the First_) if anyone wantsh row--(_with recollection of Duke's motto_)--I'm here! That 'sh all. (_To G. B._) I shall say goo' ni' to _you_ outside. [_Exit B. B. unsteadily._ _The G. B._ (_solemnly to_ Waiter). I tell you what it is--I'm ashamed of him. There, I _am_. I'm _ashamed_ of him! [_He stalks after his Brother; sounds of renewed argument without, as Scene closes in._ * * * * * BACON AGAIN.--An erudite student informs us that "the crest of SHAKSPEARE'S mother's family was a boar," so that there is something Baconian about the Immortal Bard. * * * * * _À PROPOS_ OF THE WELSH GOLD FIND.--Advice Gratis:--Beware of Welshers. * * * * *