Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93, December 3, 1887Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93, December 3, 1887
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
In every corner of that city stood,
Unholy shapes, and spectral scares,
And fiends, and phantoms, brutal scenes of blood,
And horrible nightmares.
"We are shut up as in a tomb, girt round
With charnel scenes on every wall;
Wherever echoes of town-traffic sound,
Or human footsteps fall.
She cried, "By Jove, it is a pretty game
That Man, the Advertiser's thrall,
Should have these scenes of grimness, gore, and shame,
Shock him from every wall.
"The very cab-horses go wild with fears!
I rather fancy it is time
To stop these poster-terrors, placard-tears,
And advertising crimes.
"Yes, yes, pull down these pictured screens that are
All dedicate to gore and guilt.
_Not_ solely for Soap-vendor or Stage-star
Was our big Babylon built!
* * * * *
VOCES POPULI.
+Scene+--_A Promenade Concert. Interval between Parts I. and II. Crowd
collecting before Platform_.
_Highly Respectable Matron (to female Friend)_. As to being _beautiful_,
it's not for me to say, but they're clean-limbed, healthy children,
thank Heaven! and what more do you want? (_The_ Friend _makes a
complimentary protest_.) Well, it may be so; but, to come back to her. I
don't like her present home so well as I did her first--not so tasty, to
my mind. She's got nice things about her, though, I _will_ say--a nice
sideboard, a nice ... (_Inventory follows here_.)
_The Friend (darkly)_. All the same, it's a constant wonder to me how
she can ever bring herself to sleep in _that_ bed!
_The H. R. M_. I couldn't myself; but (_charitably_) we've not all the
same feelings. (_Crush increases; Female Promenader with very yellow
hair passes, with apologies_.) "Excuse me, Madame" (_with attempt at
mimicry_); ah--and she _needs_ it! The orchestra's coming back now. I
didn't notice that young woman among them before--what's _she_ going to
play, I wonder?
_The Friend_. Whatever it is, she might look more pleasant over it!
_The H. R. M_. So she might--we can't all be good-looking, but we can
all be pleasant--but they wouldn't have engaged her here, if she hadn't
her gift!
_The Friend_. Oh, you may depend on it, she's got a gift--but I do call
her plain, myself.
_A Man with a very red nose (to Companion)_. And then, you see, I've
this special advantage--my _immense_ knowledge of the world. Think
there's time for another before they begin again, eh?
[_Companion is of that opinion; adjournment to bar of house_.
_Second Part begins; Lady Vocalist retiring after Song_.
_First Promenader_. Brayvo! Engcore! What, she won't sing no more--sssh!
[_Hisses furiously_.
_The H. R. M_. There's the orchestra themselves clapping her--and
_they'd_ know what's good.
_Her Friend_. She was dressed very nice, I thought.
_The H. R. M_. I never care to see hair done up that style myself.
+On the Platform.+
_Ladies of Chorus tripping up from below Stage for the Vocal Valse_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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