_Neptune._ Well, I own you are "in it." I wouldn't dispute your fair claims for a minute, But they're thundering ugly, your new Iron Walls, And when a big fight comes,--well, look out for squalls. This playing at battle is all very grand, But _I_ think twelve-inch metal much fitter for land. Wood's the stuff for the sea; that's a point in my _credo._ That "mount" of yours safe? I don't think a torpedo A patch on a Sea-horse, or even a Triton. _Vulcan._ All right! 'tisn't charged, so there's nothing to frighten. Things are not now done in your toasting-fork way. _Neptune._ Humph! My trident enabled BRITANNIA to sway In a style that's admitted on every side; Whilst your guns and torpedoes remain to be tried. Your ARMSTRONGS and WHITEHEADS may give themselves airs, But they don't seem to stop periodical "scares." Perhaps you may wish, when it _does_ come to war, For the old Man-of-war and the old pig-tailed Tar. However, old boy, here's the grog. That's a bottle That might have glug-glug'd down my NELSON'S brave throttle; It's been in my cellar since Trafalgar. _Vulcan._ Truly? _Neptune._ Yes. 'Tis a big day,--let us honour it duly; A splendid wind-up to the Jubilee _fêtes_. Well, manhood and pluck are not matters of date. Let us hope, when it really does come to a tussle, That brave British spirit and stout British muscle May have the same pull as they did in the days When "yard-arm to yard-arm" was JACK'S favoured phrase, When death-stored torpedoes and Titan-lipped guns And steel in huge masses, and fast-flying tons Had never been dreamed of. Ah! Vulcan, your reign Has played up rare pranks with my briny domain; My spirit may sometimes rebel when it dwells on The jolly old days of DRAKE, BENBOW, and NELSON. However, we're shipmates to-day, so here goes, Success to Old England, short shrift to her foes; My favourite, spite of all change, I confess her. A bumper, my boy! Here's the QUEEN, and God bless her! * * * * * [Illustration: SPITHEAD, JULY 23RD, 1887. FATHER NEPTUNE (_cheerily_). "WHAT--VULCAN, MY HEARTY! WELL, WE'RE SHIPMATES NOW, SO HERE'S 'THE QUEEN!'--GOD BLESS HER!!"] * * * * * LANE AND GARDEN. [Illustration] "Oh, TODGERS'S could do it when it chose! mind that." AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS can "do it," too, when he chooses, mind that, and his production of _Les Huguenots_ on Monday the 11th was a convincing proof of this assertion. The _mise-en-scène_ was as perfect as if the Opera had been a brand new one. The costumes were gorgeous, the scenes brilliant, and the _jeu de scène_ original and artistic.