In the event of a sudden night _émeute_ threatening the stability of the throne, would it be the business of the Prime Minister to arouse the Prince, bring him his boots and shaving-water, and, providing him with a trick-wig and comic disguise, point out to him briefly in a local _Bradshaw_ the best available trains starting before dawn for the frontier? Finally, if the Prince consented to accept the throne, and hired his crown and coronation-robes from a well-known costumier's for the occasion, would the great Sobranje defray the cost, or, if with a view to the situation being a permanency, he could secure them at the price of second-hand goods, would they be prepared to come to some arrangement for their purchase? * * * * * A GROWING INDUSTRY.--Market-Gardening. * * * * * [Illustration: PRODDING THEM ON. _Times (loquitur--to S-l-sb-ry and B-lf-r)._ "NOW THEN, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? YOU'VE GOT YOUR WEAPON; USE IT, OR, IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL CATCH IT FROM ME!"] * * * * * AN EPITAPH TO THE MEMORY OF THE EGYPTIAN CONVENTION. IT WAS AN ILL-STARRED INSTRUMENT, CONCEIVED IN DOUBT, MATURED IN PERPLEXITY, AND COMPLETED IN CONSTERNATION, IT WAS ULTIMATELY DRAFTED WITH THE IMMEDIATE BUT AMUSING EFFECT OF SENDING THE DUC DE MONTEBELLO INTO HYSTERICS, CAUSING AN ICY INDIFFERENCE ON THE PART OF M. NELIDOFF, AND INDUCING THE SULTAN TO SING ONCE AND FOR ALL STRAIGHT OFF AN ENTIRE ENCORE VERSE OF "OH! WHAT A SURPRISE!" THUS HAPPILY AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME HAVING FULFILLED THE TRIPLE PURPOSE OF RAISING THE PASSING SMILE OF DIPLOMATIC EUROPE, THROWING SIR H. DRUMMOND WOLFF INTO A CONDITION OF "ANIMATED EXPECTANCY," AND COSTING THE BRITISH TAX-PAYER £28,000 STERLING, TO THE PERMANENT ASTONISHMENT OF ITS AUTHOR, THE SMOTHERED SATISFACTION OF THE SUBLIME PORTE, AND THE GENERAL REJOICING OF THE EGYPTIAN BOND-HOLDER, IT RETURNED AT LENGTH TO THIS COUNTRY, UNCRUMPLED, BUT UNSIGNED, TO BE RELEGATED COMICALLY, BUT EFFECTUALLY, TO A WASTE-PAPER BASKET AT THE FOREIGN OFFICE, FROM WHICH IT IS THE DEVOUT HOPE OF THOUGHTFUL POLITICIANS, THE SETTLED VERDICT OF PUBLIC OPINION, AND THE DETERMINED RESOLUTION OF LORD SALISBURY, THAT ITS SHATTERED FRAGMENTS SHALL NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, AGAIN EMERGE. * * * * * Foul is Fair. (_A Parliamentary Song of Sixpence._) THE Irish M.P.'s, who are born to the manner, Can't see any harm in the language of TANNER. In war for ould Ireland they boldly declare That the course they pursue is quite (Donnybrook) fair; And with joy each impulsive Milesian howler Cries, "If 'TANNER' be foul, there's 'BOB' that is FOWLER." But Stooping to Conquer is always their plight; Sir ROBERT'S, at worst, the Mistakes of a Knight. * * * * * THE GREAT THIRST LAND.