WHY, in this clever age, So "point-device," Is there no beverage Cool, cheap, and nice? It's safe to rile ye, Dog-days being here, When you're charged highly For iced ginger-beer. Who can be placid When sixpence is paid For sweet citric acid Dubbed lemonade? Is there no substitute Which we may quaff For tea with milk dilute, Or shandy-gaff? A sheer abuse is Ice joined to beer; Our gastric juices Hate it, and fear; Half-pint-partakers, When weather's hot, Barons or bakers, All go to pot. Should spirits tempt you, Need it be said Nought can exempt you From a racked head, Just like poor SISERA? Soda's a snare? Milk clogs the viscera; Of "fizz" beware! Brandy each new nipper Maketh go mad; Juice of the juniper, _You_'re berry bad! Now that so many men Counsel "Abstain!" It's _rum_ that any men Drink to their bane. In this heat tropical, He's a true friend Who, philanthropical, Bids our thirst end. Will no inventor Try a new shot? Here our hopes centre: Who is our WATT? Our British livers Don't care a rap For "corpse-revivers,"-- A nauseous tap! Drink for the Million! Nor dear or heady; Bring me a chilly one-- _But none is ready!_ * * * * * THE COURT CIRCULAR. THE Levée held by Mr. JOHN CLAYTON, and Mr. ARTHUR CECIL, on Friday night, was numerously attended. Excellent specimens of Mr. PINERO'S work were presented in the first Acts of the recent Court successes--to wit, _The Schoolmistress_, _Dandy Dick_, and _The Magistrate_. Mr. CLAYTON made an excellent speech, which was enthusiastically applauded, and Mrs. JOHN WOOD and Miss NORREYS received special calls. After a brief interval, during which Court favour will be extended to King William Street, Strand, a more spacious palace will be erected for the reception of Courtiers in Chelsea, where a new Comedy, by Mr. PINERO, will be presented. Mr. ARTHUR CECIL, though retiring from managerial cares, will, when the new Theatre is finished, undertake what would be a difficult task for anybody else, to fill his usual place on the boards. * * * * * MAGAZINE TITLE (_applicable to the Police Station where Miss Cass was temporarily locked up_),--"_Cass-cells._" * * * * * STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH'S STUDIO. No. XXIX.--A LADY DRAMATIST. "YOU must do it at a _Matinée_," said her little crowd of five o'clock tea-visitors, "and get Mr. ELLISTON DRURY to play the Roman Poet." One of the company was in earnest. Miss ELMIRA JENKS believed in her hostess and friend. The others thought it "fun" to "egg on" Miss DE GONCOURT to make herself ridiculous. [Illustration] "And why not take the part of the heroine yourself, dear?--nobody in all your intellectual set recites so well. Why not act in your own Tragedy--how delightful it would be!"