Produced by V. L. Simpson, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 98. January 18th, 1890. AMONG THE AMATEURS. No. III.--REALISATION. SCENE--_Theatre Royal, Blankbury, on the first night of the performance of the well-known Comedy of_ "Heads or Tails?" _by the "Thespian Perambulators." Time_, 7:50 P.M. _A "brilliant and fashionable assemblage" is gradually filling the house. In the Stalls are many distinguished Amateurs of both Sexes, including_ Lady SURBITON, _who has brought her husband_ and Mrs. GAGMORE (Lady SURBITON'S _particular friend_). _The rest of the Stalls are occupied by the immediate friends and relations of the Actors. A few professional Critics are to be seen. They are addressed with much politeness by the Amateurs in front of the House, and "played to" with feverish anxiety by the Amateurs on the Stage. The Orchestra is composed of excellent Amateur Musicians. The Curtain has not yet risen._ _Lady Surbiton_ (_to_ Mrs. GAGMORE). My dear, it's a wonder we ever got here. CHARLES of course forgot the date, and told me only yesterday he'd invited some men to stay for a shoot. He had to listen to reason, though, and so we spent all yesterday sending telegrams to put them off. I've been at every performance of The Thespians for years, and it wouldn't do to begin missing them now, would it? [Illustration] _Mrs. Gagmore._ Certainly not, dear, it would have been quite a calamity. There's the Duchess of MIDDLESEX nodding to you. _Lady S._ So it is. (_Smiles sweetly at the Duchess, who is sitting three rows off._) I call it scandalous of her to come out like this when both her twins have got the measles. Did I tell you I lent Mr. SPINKS my pet parrot, Penelope, for this performance? _Mrs. G._ No, dear. I didn't know they ever played it with a parrot. _Lady S._ Well, they don't usually, but Mr. SPINKS told me that, after studying the piece very very carefully, he had come to the conclusion that there ought to be a parrot in _Lady Shorthorn's_ drawing-room, and he begged me to lend him mine. Fortunately it scarcely ever talks. Oh, there's Mr. PENFOLD! How old he's getting to look. He never seems to have a good word to say for anyone in his critiques. They're very late in beginning. I hope nothing has happened to Penelope. Ah! at last. _The Orchestra strikes up. After a few minutes the Curtain rises on "the Drawing-room at Bullivant Court." Sc. 1, Act 1._ HARRY HALL, _in livery as_ JOHN _the Footman, is reclining on a sofa, reading a magazine. Penelope, in her cage, is a conspicuous object on the_ O.P. _side_. _John_ (_yawning_). "Nothink in the _Fortnightly_, as per usual. Heigh-ho! This is slow work. Who's that?"