[_The Elderly Gentleman, smiling in the full conviction of having extricated himself from a difficult situation with consummate tact and diplomacy, goes off unsteadily in the direction of Piccadilly, accompanied by a suite of small boys who have kindly resolved to see him through any further adventures that may await his progress. The Cabman remains to discuss the affair at great length on the curbstone. The Policeman paces slowly on, conscious that he has worthily maintained the dignity of his office._ [Illustration: A Cab-array.] * * * * * A CORRESPONDENT, _a propos_ of the prevailing epidemic, writes,--"Sir, there must have been an epidemic of influenza at Cambridge about thirty-three years ago, as in a travesty of _Faust_, produced at the A. D. C. about that time, occurs a parody of the song '_Di Frienza_' from _La Traviata_, commencing '_Influenza_ is about, So I'll stay no longer out.' History repeats itself occasionally.--I am, Yours, AN INFLUENZIAL PERSONAGE, Trin. Coll. Cam." * * * * * [Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY. _Miss Amy._ "AND DO YOU ADMIRE MISS TRAVERS, MR. GOSLIN?" _Mr. G._ "YES--AWF'LY! SHE'S SO UNLIKE ALL OTHER GIRLS, DON'TCHERKNOW!!"] * * * * * PLAIN ENGLISH! JOHN BULL _loquitur:_-- "ENGLISH as she is spoke," my little friend, Is not precisely what your pundits deem it. Let _me_ give you a lesson! This must end. That flag, however lightly you esteem it, Has not so long waved folds fair, broad, and ample To all earth's winds for _you_ at last to trample. No! What the mischief is your little game? Monkeyish tricks help neither power nor dignity. A little country heir of much fair fame, I'd like to treat with patience and benignity; But memories of CAMOENS and DE GAMA Should save you from the clown's part in earth's drama. Clowning it is to caper in this style, Trying to make a foot-cloth of my banner. You ought to know the temper of our Isle, You've tested it in circumstantial manner. Down before SOULT and JUNOT you'd have gone But for that very flag, and WELLINGTON. Old friends? Of course we are. Old rivals too, In commerce and adventure the world over. From JOHN THE GREAT'S time to the present, you In Africa have been a daring rover; "The Rover's free"! Ah! that's good lyric brag-- He is not free to trample on my flag! VASCO DE GAMA and CABRAL, no doubt, Held an exceedingly free hand aforetime. Cocks of the walk were those adventurers stout, But then their time was different from your time. In what you call your "civilising labours," You'll have to think a little of your neighbours.