"Prancing proconsuls" often stir up strife, Which to abate diplomacy must strain. Your PINTO seems to mean war to the knife-- He's too much given to the 'Ercles vein. I'm sure I do not want to hurt your feelings, I simply say I can't stand SERPA'S dealings. Plain English this, my little Portuguee, And BARROS GOMES will tell you I mean it. Fight? Pigmy _versus_ Titan? Fiddlededee! My meaning--without menaces, you'll glean it-- Is this--I would not hector, no, nor "nag," Only, my lad--_you'll just come off that Flag!_ * * * * * LONDON FOR THE LONDONERS; _Or, How to Please Everybody_. SCENE--_Railway Compartment._ BROWN _and_ JONES _discovered reading Newspapers._ _Brown_ (_putting down his journal_). Not much news, Sir. _Jones_ (_following the example_). Quite so, Sir--not much. _Brown._ Perhaps, Sir, the most interesting item is this talk about London Improvement. _Jones._ So I think, Sir. But what do we want with this plan for widening the Strand, and making a road to Holborn? It seems to me, Sir, that the suburbs are being neglected. _Brown._ I agree with you, Sir. Now, if they would develop the North of London, it would be more to the purpose. If they would run a road direct from Charing Cross to, say Zanzibar Terrace, Upper Kensal Green, West, it would really be of service to the public. _Jones._ Very likely, Sir--very likely. For my part, it seems to me that Chiswick also requires a helping hand. The construction of a broad boulevard running from Charing Cross in a straight line to, say, Upham Park Road, would tend to show that the County Council justly appreciated its own responsibilities. And I say this, knowing the necessities of Chiswick, for in that neighbourhood I happen to reside. _Brown._ And I, too, Sir, am equally cognisant of the requirements of Upper Kensal Green West. As a matter of fact, Sir, I happen to have a comfortable house in Zanzibar Terrace. _Jones._ And I, Sir, a delightful villa in Upham Park Road. [_Whistle. Train enters tunnel, and further conversation is drowned by the rattle of the carriages._ * * * * * A Musical Anticipation. FRED COWEN'S _Viking_ Sure to be striking. Think there is luck in BARTON MCGUCKIN. * * * * * UNSOUGHT HONOUR.--After his last Birthday, Mr. GLADSTONE was unanimously elected a Member of "the Eighty Club." * * * * * [Illustration: PLAIN ENGLISH! JOHN BULL. "LOOK HERE, MY LITTLE FRIEND, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR LITTLE FEELINGS,--BUT, _COME OFF THAT FLAG!!!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Jenkinson_ (_to M. F. H., who dislikes being bothered_). "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS HORSE?" (_No answer._) "BRED HIM MYSELF, YOU KNOW!"