_Spinks._ Yes, GUSHBY, I believe you did it. You were closeted with that parrot for an hour yesterday. I believe you deliberately taught it to say that, in order to crab my part. What's more, I'm certain of it, for I distinctly recognised your voice in the parrot's. _Gushby._ Pooh! nonsense! If I had taught it to say anything, it would have been something worse than that, you may be sure. _Spinks._ You always were kind. As for JARP, he was in the plot. Otherwise do you think any man could have made such a fool of himself? IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN. _Lady Surbiton._ That's what I've always said. There's so much _esprit de corps_ and good feeling amongst Amateurs--none of that wretched jealousy and bickering which ruins professionals. _Mrs. Gagmore._ It is delightful to listen to them, certainly. They all look and act like perfect gentlemen. All Mr. JARP'S Butlers are splendid. You can see at a glance that they have only been with good families. BEHIND THE CURTAIN. _Hon. B. Boldero._ I fancy we shall have good notices to-morrow in the _Morning Moonbeam_. I saw PENFOLD laughing immensely. _Spinks_ (_down on his luck_). Did you? (_Plucking up a bit._) Well, it "went" capitally. It was only that blessed parrot. [_Goes off intending to buy several copies of next morning's "Moonbeam."_ IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN. _Mr. Penfold_ (_to his neighbour, a brother journalist_): Are you going to write anything about this? I have got to do a short notice for the _Morning Moonbeam_. It's no use abusing these fellows. That's been tried. I'll give them a little butter this time, and see whether that won't stop them. How would it do to say something like this?--"We advise the Thespians to keep clear as much as they can of professionalism. Of course, tradition demands that the ladies' parts should be played by professionals, but the introduction of a professional parrot and a professional baby in the First Act was a mistake, which might have ruined the performance." [_His Friend nods approval. Exeunt severally. Imagine tableau next day. Delight of Amateurs on reading the notice of their performance in the "Moonbeam."_ * * * * * HOLIDAY CATECHISM. _Mr. P._ Now little Master JACK HORNER, from your corner in Drury Lane, what plums do you pick out of the Pantomime? _Master J. H._ The Hansom Cab and King HARRY (NICHOLLS) returning home confronted by the Queen, then the GRIFFITHS Cow, the Giant's Dinner and his Servants, and the Dame LENO'S wonderful Fowl. _Mr. P._ What else? _Master J. H._ Lots of things, but at the Circus at Covent Garden, the Shetland Ponies lovely. They come first, so you must be early. _Mr. P._ Did you see anything else that pleased you? _Master J. H._ I should think so. Such a game! Mlle. GOU-GOU quite shocked my little sister POLLY, by her strange conduct. But when it turned out that he was a man, how we laughed! It _was_ funny. _Mr. P._ And I suppose you stayed for the Lion?