Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, March 1, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, March 1, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Monks._ Was presented to the PERGAMENTS, who unpacked it, and loaded
its branches with toys and tapers; after which Mr. PERGAMENTS, Mrs. P.,
and all the little PERGAMENTS joined 'ands, and danced round it in light
'arted glee. (_In a sombre tone._) They little knoo as how it was their
dance of death!
_Lady B._ That knowledge will come! And the beer, MONKSHOOD--you saw it
broached?
_Monks._ Upon the village green; the mortality is still spreading, it
being found impossible to undo the knots in which the victims had tied
themselves. The sweetmeats were likewise distributed, and the floor of
the hinfant-school now resembles one vast fly-paper.
_Lady B._ (_with a touch of remorse_). The children, too! Was not my
little ELFIE once an infant? Ah me, ah me!
_Elfie_ (_aside_). Once--but that was long, long ago. And, oh, _how_
disappointed I am in poor dear Grandmamma!
_Lady B._ MONKSHOOD, you should not have done these things--you should
have saved me from myself. You _must_ have known how greatly all this
would increase my unpopularity in the neighbourhood.
_Monks._ (_sulkily_). And this is my reward for obeying orders! Take
care, my Lady. It suits you now to throw me aside like a--(_casting
about for an original simile_)--like a old glove, because this innocent
grandchild of yours has touched your flinty 'art. But where will _you_
be when she learns----?
_Lady B._ (_in agony_). Ah, no, MONKSHOOD, good, faithful MONKSHOOD, she
must never know that! Think, MONKSHOOD, you would not tell her that the
Grandmother to whom she looks up with such touching, childlike love, was
a--_homicide_--you would not do that?
_Monks._ Some would say even 'omicide was not too black a name for all
you've done. (Lady BELLEDAME _shudders_.) I might tell Miss ELFIE how
you've blowed up a live Baronet, corrosive sublimated a gentle Lady,
honly for 'aving, in a moment of candour, called you a hold cat, and
distributed pison in a variety of forms about this smiling village; and,
if that don't inspire her with distrust, I don't know the nature of
children, that's all! I might tell her, I say, and, if I'm to keep my
mouth shut, I shall expect it to be considered in my wages.
_Lady B._ I knew you had a good heart! I will pay you
anything--anything, provided you shield my guilt from her ... wait, you
shall have gold, gold, MONKSHOOD, gold!
[_Chord. Little_ ELFIE _suddenly comes from behind screen; limelight on
her. The other two shrink back._
_Elfie._ Do not give that bad old man money, Grandmother,--for it will
only be wasted.
_Lady B._ Speak, child--how much do you know?
_Elfie._ All!
[_Chord._ Lady B. _collapses on chair._
_Lady B._ (_with an effort_). And now, ELFIE, that you know, you scorn
and hate your poor old Grandmother--is it not so?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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