The general of ARTAXOMINOUS Was far less terrible than--well, thrasonic. To tear a thing to tatters, shout and "cuss," In an assembly callous and sardonic, Savours a bit too much of sheer burlesque, Scarce to the level of fine acting rises. The unexpected's piquant, picturesque, But a sound drama is not _all_ surprises. Thought you had taken to the "Temperance" line, This looks much more like angry inebriety. A little freakishness is vastly fine, But even of surprise there comes satiety. If you and FUSBOS JENNINGS can't agree, There seems small prospect of a growing Party, _Verb. sap._ They thought BOMBASTES dead, you see. But the _finale_ found him up, and hearty! * * * * * [Illustration: "GRANDOLPHO FURIOSO!" MR. PUNCH. "HULLO, GRANDOLPH! I THOUGHT YOU'D TAKEN TO '_TEMPERANCE_'!!"] OUT OF IT.--The Amazons who doff the skirt, and don the, the--other things, can never be considered in Rotten Row as "_habituées_." * * * * * HE CAN'T ALP IT! "My only desire is to meet you on the terms on which long ago we stood when you gallantly offered to take me up the Matterhorn."--_Mr. Gladstone's Letter to Professor Tyndall._ Mr. GLADSTONE _and_ Professor TYNDALL _discovered seated on the edge of a Crevasse_. _Mr. Gladstone._ I didn't know a glacier was so frightfully slippery. _Prof. Tyndall._ Slippery--ha! Like _some_ politicians I might mention! _Mr. Gladstone._ That last avalanche, too, bowled us over so neatly that I feel distinctly limp. _Prof. Tyndall (severely)._ You should try and avoid this "subserviency to outside influences." I always do. _Mr. Gladstone (ignoring the remark)._ What range is that over there? _Prof. Tyndall._ The Pennine Alps, stoopid! From their name they would seem a suitable residence for a person who scribbles twaddle in Magazines--ahem! No personal allusion, of course. _Mr. Gladstone (gaily)._ Of course not! But isn't it rather dangerous sitting here, with that bank of snow just above us? Suppose it came down on us! _Prof. Tyndall._ As the Judges came down on your Parnellite allies, eh? Perhaps, as we're getting to some nasty places, we might be tied together now. _Mr. Gladstone (warmly)._ Quite so. A union of hearts, in fact. [_After a few hours' more climbing, they reach the summit of the Matterhorn._ _Prof. Tyndall._ Sorry to leave you, but you see I only promised to take you up, not to see you safe down again. Ta, ta! I may as well mention that I consider you a "ubiquitous blast-furn----" [_Disappears suddenly over the edge._ _Mr. Gladstone._ Dear me! what dreadful language! And he appears to have cut the rope! He must be a Separatist, after all! If it were PITT, now, I should call his conduct rather "base and blackguardly." Perhaps I shall meet the "Professor at the Tea-Table"--at Zermatt! [_Descends cautiously._ * * * * * THE BURGLAR'S BACK.[1]