_En. Of., R.N._ (_with a smile_). Well, yes, we have. But if the Engineer-in-Chief at the Admiralty (who, by the way, receives £1000 a-year, and yet is held responsible for the design and manufacture of machinery costing £12,000,000 per annum) is admitted to be superior to all other Engineer officers, we shall be satisfied. Still I cannot help saying that the Chief Engineer of a ship is snubbed when all is right, and only has his importance and responsibility allowed (when indeed it is recognised and paraded) when anything is wrong! But let that pass. _The Com._ I am afraid it is too late to do anything further this Session, as the House is just up. However, if matters are not more satisfactory at the end of the recess, let me know, and--but you shall see! [_The Witness, after suitable acknowledgment, then withdrew._ * * * * * "A LITTLE MORE THAN GAY BUT LESS THAN GRAVE."--Not very long ago, an act of sacrilege was committed at Canterbury by a man, who robbed an alms-box in the Cathedral. However, disregarding the precedent set some time since by the Dean and Chapter (who it will be remembered dug up and removed the bones of the honoured dead) the intruder abstained from touching the vaults of those buried in consecrated ground. * * * * * [Illustration: DIGNITY IN DISTRESS. _Small Boys_ (_to Volunteer Major in temporary command_). "I SAY, GUV'NOR--HI! JUST WIPE THE BLOOD OFF THAT 'ERE SWORD!!"] * * * * * MIGHT BE BETTER! Small game and scant! The Season's show Of Birds, in bunches big, adjacent, Will hardly take JOHN's eye, although The Poulterer appears complacent, Seeing, good easy man, quite clearly That rival shops show yet more queerly. It can't be said the Birds look young, Or plump of breast, or fine of feather. A skinnier lot than SOL has hung Ne'er skimmed the moor or thronged the heather; But for dull plumage, shrivelled crop, Look at the Opposition shop! Amongst the blind the one-eyed king Is, not unnaturally, bumptious. That Poulterer with a swaggering swing Strides to his door, the stock looks "scrumptious" In _his_ eyes; but thrasonic diction To BULL will hardly bring conviction. "Humph!" mutters JOHN. "A poorish lot! Scarce tempting to the would-be diner; This year, SOL,--or may I be shot!-- Your foreign birds appear the finer. The Home moors have not yielded? Well, Sir, Let's hope your stock, though scant, may sell, Sir! "Eh? What? Do better later on? Give a look in about November? Well, for the time I must be gone, Off to the Sea! But I'll remember. My judgment heat or haste shan't fetter, But, up to now--things _might_ look better!" * * * * * LITTERÆ INHUMANIORES. (_SELECTED FROM THE PROJECTED INTERNATIONAL SCHOOLBOY CORRESPONDENCE._) _FROM_ TOMMY, _ETON, TO_ JULES, _LYCÉE HENRI IV._