_His Opp. N. (utterly uninterested)._ Do you indeed?--dear me! _C.O.G._ Not that I grudge it--a good education is a fortune in itself, and as I've always told my boys, they must make the best of it, for it's all they'll get. They're good enough lads, but I've had a deal of trouble with them one way and another--a _deal_ of trouble. _(Pauses for some expression of sympathy--which does not come--and he continues:)_ There are my two eldest sons--what must they do but fall in love with the same lady--the same lady. Sir! _(No one seems to care much for these domestic revelations--possibly because they are too obviously addressed to the general ear.)_ And, to make matters worse, she was a married woman--_(his principal hearer looks another way uneasily)_--the wife of a godson of mine, which made it all the more awkward, y'know. (His Opposite Neighbour _giving no sign, the_ C. O. G. _tries one Passenger after another.)_ Well, I went to him--(here he fixes an old Lady, who immediately passes up coppers out of her glove to the_ Conductor)--went to him, and said--_(addressing a smartly dressed young Lady with a parcel, who giggles)_--I said, "You're a man of the world--so am I. Don't you take any notice," I told him--_(this to a callow young man, who blushes)_--"they're a Couple of young fools," I said, "but you tell your dear wife from me not to mind those boys of mine--they'll soon get tired of it if they're only let alone." And so they would have, long ago, it's my belief, if they'd met with no encouragement--but what can _I_ do--it's a heavy trial to a father, you know. Then there's my third son--he must needs go and marry--_(to a Lady at his side with a reticule, who gasps faintly)_--some young woman who dances at a Music-hall--nice daughter-in-law that for a man in my position, eh? I've forbidden him the house of course, and told his mother not to have any communication with him--but I know, Sir,--_(violently, to a Man on his other side, who coughs in much embarrassment)_--I _know_ she meets him once a week under the eagle in Orme Square, and _I_ can't stop her! Then I'm worried about my daughters--one of 'em gave me no peace till I let her have some painting lessons--of course, I naturally thought the drawing-master would be an elderly man--whereas, as things turned out,-- _A Quiet Man in a Corner._ I 'ope you told all this to the Policeman, Sir? _The C.O.G. (flaming unexpectedly)._ No, Sir, I did _not_. I am not in the habit--whatever _you_ may be--of discussing my private affairs with strangers. I consider your remark highly impertinent, Sir. [_Fumes in silence for the rest of the journey. The Young Lady with the Parcel (to her friend--for the sake of vindicating her gentility)._ Oh, my dear, I do feel so funny, carrying a great brown-paper parcel, in a bus, too! Anyone would take me for a shop-girl! _A Grim Old Lady opposite._ And I only hope, my dear, you'll never be taken for anyone less respectable. [_Collapse of_ Genteel Y. L.