_The Conductor_. Benk, benk! _(he means "Bank")_ 'Oborn, benk! 'Igher up there, BILL, can't you? _A Dingy Man smoking, in a Van._ Want to block up the ole o' the road, eh? That's right! _The Conductor (roused to personality)._ Go 'ome, Dirty DICK! syme old soign, I see,--"Monkey an' Pipe!" _(To Coachman of smart brougham which is pressing rather closely behind.)_ I say, old man, don't you race after my bus like this--you'll only tire your 'orse. _[The Coachman affects not to have heard._ _The Conductor (addressing the brougham horse, whose head is almost through the door of the omnibus)._ 'Ere, '_ang_ it all!--step insoide, if yer want to! _[Brougham falls to rear_--_triumph of_ Conductor _as Scene closes_. * * * * * IN THE KNOW. _(By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet.)_ [Illustration] Readers of this journal will be surprised to learn that I am penning these lines from Blancheville, which as everybody, except the chief of the chowder-heads, knows is the most important town of one of the principal departments of France. Nothing but an overwhelming sense of what is due to myself, to my readers, and to my country, would have dragged me from the Metropolis at this season of the year. But a distinction was offered to me, a distinction so unique and so dazzling that I felt that it would not be fair to my fellow countrymen, of all ages, and of every party, if I failed to take advantage of it, and thus to present to the envious world the proud spectacle of an Englishman honoured by the great French nation. I will narrate the matter as briefly as is consistent with my respect for accuracy, and with my contempt for the tapioca-brained nincompoops who snarl, and chatter, and cackle at me in the organ of Mr. J. Last Friday I received this telegram:-- _Blancheville, Friday._ The inhabitants of Blancheville, in public meeting assembled, felicitate you on stupendous success of all your prophecies. Desiring to honour you in the name of France, the mother of glorious heroes, and the eldest daughter of Liberty, they have awarded to you the Montyon prize for virtue, and have selected you as _Rosier en perpétuité de Blancheville_, a new post never before held by a man. Presentation on Sunday. Come at once. _(Signed)_ CARAMEL, _Maire de Blancheville._