Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, August 9, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, August 9, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_[Enter the_ Scissorman, _masked and in red tights, with his hand upon
the hilt of his shears._
_The S. (in a passionless tone)._ Though sorry to create
unpleasantness, I claim the thumbs of this young gentleman, which my
own eyes have marked between his lips.
_C's. M. (frantically)._ Thou minion of a meddling tyranny, go
exercise thy loathsome trade elsewhere!
_The S. (civilly)._ I've duties here that must be first performed.
_C's. M. (wildly)._ Take my thumbs for his!
_The S._ 'Tis not the law--which is a model of lucidity.
_Con. (calmly)._ Sir, you speak well. My thumbs are forfeited, and
they alone must pay the penalty.
_The S. (with approval)._ Right! Step with me into the outer hall, and
have the business done without delay.
_C's. M. (throwing herself between them)._ Stay! I'm a
Councillor--this law was _mine!_ Hereby I do suspend the clause I
drew.
_The S._ You should have drawn it milder.
_Con._ Must I teach a parent laws were meant to be obeyed? [_To_ Sc.]
Lead on, Sir. _(To his_ Mother _with cold courtesy.)_ Madam,--may I
trouble you?
_[He thrusts her gently aside and passes out with the_ S.; _the door
is shut and fastened from without._ C's. M. _rushes to door which she
attempts to force without success._
_C's. M._ In vain I batter at a senseless door, I'll to the keyhole
train my tortured ear. _(Listening.)_ Dead silence!... is it over--or,
to come? Hark! was not that the click of meeting shears?... Again! and
followed by the sullen thud of thumbs that drop upon linoleum!...
_[The door is opened and_ CONRAD _appears, pale but erect,--N.B. The
whole of this scene has been compared to one in "La Tosca"--which,
however, it exceeds in horror and intensity._
_C's. M._ They send him back to me, bereft of both! My CONRAD!
What?--repulse a Mother's Arms!
_Con. (with chilling composure)._ Yes, Madam, for between us ever
more, a barrier invisible is raised, and should I strive to reach
those arms again, two spectral thumbs would press me coldly back--the
thumbs I sucked, in blissful ignorance, the thumbs that solaced me
in solitude, the thumbs your County Council took from me, and your
endearments scarcely will replace! Where, Madam, lay the harm in
sucking them? The dog will lick his foot, the cat her claw, his paws
sustain the hibernating bear--and you decree no law to punish
_them_! Yet, in your rage for infantine reform, you rushed this most
ridiculous enactment--its earliest victim your neglected son!
[Illustration]
_C's. M. (falling at his feet)._ Say, CONRAD, you will some day pardon
me?
_Con. (bitterly, as he regards his maimed hands.)_ I will,--the day
these pollards send forth shoots!
_[His_ Mother _turns aside with a heartbroken wail_; CONRAD _standing
apart in gloomy estrangement as the Curtain descends._
[Illustration: "RUNNING HIS EYE OVER THEM".
_Colonel North and Lord Dunraven._ "COME ALONG WITH US, GRANDOLPH.
WE'VE GOT A BETTER LOT THAN THAT."]
"RUNNING HIS EYE OVER THEM."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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