Yours truly, JETSAM _(or Yotting Artist in Black and White). 10 A.M. Swedish time 9.5 in English miles. Longitude 4 ft. 8 in. in my berth. Latitude, any amount of._ * * * * * AN EXCELLENT RULE.--We are informed that "extreme ugliness" and "male hysteria" are admitted as "adequate disqualifications" for the French Army. If the same rule only applied to the English House of Commons, what a deal of noise and nonsense we should be spared! [Illustration: A METROPOLITAN METAMORPHOSIS. _The Awful Result of Persistent "Crawling."_] * * * * * THE DYING SWAN. _(Latest Version, a long way after the Laureate.)_ "THAMES 'SWAN UPPING.'--The QUEEN'S swanherd and the officials of the Dyers' and Vintners' Companies arrived at Windsor yesterday on their annual 'swan-upping' visit, for the purpose of marking or 'nicking' the swans and cygnets belonging to HER MAJESTY, and the Companies interested in the preservation of the birds that haunt the stream between London and Henley. It is said that the Thames swans are steadily decreasing owing to the traffic on the upper reaches of the river, and other causes detrimental to their breeding."--_The Times_. I. July was wet,--a thing not rare-- With sodden ground and chilly air; The sky presented everywhere A low-pitched roof of doleful grey; With a rain-flusht flood the river ran; Adown it floated a dying Swan, And loudly did lament. It was the middle of the day, The "Swanherd" and his men went on, "Nicking" the cygnets as they went. II. The "Swanherd" showed a blue-peaked nose, And white against the cold white sky Shone many a face of those Who o'er the upper reaches swept, On swans and cygnets keeping an eye. Dyers and Vintners, portly, mellow Chasing the birds of the jetty bill Through the reed clusters green and still; And through the osier mazes crept Many a cap-feathered crook-armed fellow. III.