_Uncle J._ (_Boiling over._) _Warm_, Sir? _I am_ warm--and something more. I can tell you! [_Sits down with a bump._ _Mr. C._ You haven't _seen_ it! I'm sure you haven't seen it. Come now, Uncle! _Uncle J._ Never mind whether I have or have not. Perhaps I don't _want_ to see it, Sir! _The Children_. Then do you give it up? Do you want to be told? Why, it's staring you in the face all the time! _Uncle J._ I don't care whether it's staring or not--I don't want to be told anything more about it. _The Children_. Then you're _cheating_, Uncle--you must go on walking till you _do_ see it! _Uncle J._ Oh, that's it, eh? Very well, then--I'll walk! [_Walks out, leaving the company paralysed._ _Mrs. C._ Run after him, TOMMY, and tell him--quick! [_Exit TOMMY._ _Mr. C._ (_feebly_). I think when Uncle JOSEPH does come back, we'd better try to think of some game he _can't_ lose his temper at. Ah, here's TOMMY! _Tommy_. I _told_ him--but he went all the same, and slammed the door. He said I was to go back and tell you that you would find he _was_ cut up--and cut up rough, too! _Mrs. C._ But what did you tell _him_? _Tommy_. Why, only that Parpar asked him to come to-night because he was sure to cut up well. You said I might! [_Sensation; Prompt departure of TOMMY for bed; moralising by Aunts; a spirit of perfect candour prevails; names are called--also cabs; further hostilities postponed till next Christmas._ * * * * * NOTE-PAPER CURRENCY AT CHRISTMAS.--We see that a "Riparian" note-paper has been brought out by Messrs. GOODALL AND SON. This "Riparian Paper"--rather suggestive of "Rupee Paper"--ought to be as safe as the Bank. "G. AND SON" (this suggests G.O.M. and Master HERBERT) should bring out The Loyers' Note-paper, and call it "Papier Mashy." * * * * * BLACK AND WHITE; OR, THE PHANTOM STEED! (_A TYPICAL GHOST STORY FOR CHRISTMAS, BY A WITNESS OF THE TRUTH._) [Illustration]