*** By the way, in answer to a Correspondent, who signs himself "AN ARTFUL DREDGER, WHO WISHES TO LIVE OUT OF TOWN," we beg to inform him that "Beds" is _not_ a county specially celebrated for oysters. * * * * * BREAKING A _RECORD_ ON A WHEEL! Break, break, break! On thy "Safety" swift, oh, "crack!" And I would that my tongue could utter My thoughts on the cyclist's track. Oh, well for MECREDY, the "bhoy," That "records" for him won't stay; And well for OSMOND and WOOD That they break them every day. And the "Safeties" still improve, And their riders develope more skill; And it's oh! for the records of yesterday! To-morrow they'll all be nil! Break! break! break! On thy wheels, oh, S.B.C.! But the grace of KEITH FALCONER, CORTIS, and KEEN, Will they ever come back to me? * * * * * [Illustration: THE AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHIC PEST.] * * * * * LOST HAIRS-AT-LAW. "SEQUEL to a Breach of Promise Case" is the heading to a paragraph in the _Daily Telegraph_, recording how _Turner_ v. _Avant_ was heard before Mr. Commissioner KERR, who adjourned the case for three weeks, because, as Mr. AGABEG, the Counsel for the Plaintiff, observed, without agabegging the question, they couldn't get any information essential to the proceedings as to the whereabouts of the Miss HAIRS, who, after failing in her action against Sir GEORGE ELLIOTT, M.P., gave up minding her own business, which she sold, and retired to the Continent; and Plaintiffs also wanted to know the present address of a certain, or uncertain, Mr. HOLLAND, somewhile Secretary to the Avant Company. Odd this. Not find Hairs in September! Cry "_En Avant_!" and let loose the harriers!--a suggestion that might have been appropriately made by the Commissioner whose name alone, with respect be it said, should qualify him for the Chief Magistracy in the Isle of Dogs. In the meantime the Plaintiffs have three weeks' adjournment in order to search the maps and find HOLLAND. * * * * * TITLED MONTHS.--In the list given by the _Figaro_ of those present at Cardinal LAVIGERIE'S great anti-slavery function at Saint Sulpice was "_un ancien ministre plénipotentiare le Baron d'Avril._" What a set of new titles this suggests for any creation, of new Peers in England! Duke of DECEMBER! Earl of FEBRUARY! Of course, the nearest title to Baron D'AVRIL with us is the Earl of MARCH. The Marquis of MAY sounds nice; Lord AUGUST, Baron JULY; and, should a certain eminent ecclesiastical lawyer ever become a Law Lord, there will be yet another British cousin to Baron d'AVRIL and the Earl of MARCH in--Lord JEUNE. * * * * *