times, is decidedly damp. Then I raised a glass of punch to my lips, and wished him the same luck that I myself enjoyed. "And that I had!" quoth he. "Would I were prisoner instead of Governor. But it would not be meet. I am not a man of sufficient quality!" And now I must bring this entry to a conclusion, for there is to be a theatrical performance in the dining-hall. Little DAVID GARRICK is to play the principal male character, while Mistress NELLIE GWYNE, Mistress SIDDONS, and Mistress PEG WOFFINGTON, are also in the cast. The title of the piece is _Hamlet_, and I am told it is written by a young man new to Town. The name of the author is either SHAKSPEARE or SMITH. I am not sure which, but think SMITH. * * * * * P.S.--Open my Diary once again. _Hamlet_ a poor piece. It is now said that it was written by BACON or BUCHANAN. Of the former I know nothing, and posterity must discover the identity of the latter. For the rest, if again I am pressed to go to the Play--strap me! but, comfortable as I am, I will pack up my traps, and be off from Newgate--for ever! * * * * * THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE. (_BEFORE_ MR. COMMISSIONER PUNCH.) _A SHAREHOLDER IN A GAS COMPANY INTRODUCED._ _The Commissioner_ (_sharply_). Well, Sir, what is it? _Shareholder_. I have come to complain about the Gas Companies-- _The Com._ I am not surprised. They are generally causing some one or other trouble. _Shareh._ No, I beg your pardon, Sir, but you misunderstand me. I am interested in the prosperity of Gas Companies-- [Illustration] _The Com._ Then I pity you, for they are certain, sooner or later, to be superseded by the Electric Light. _Shareh._ Will you allow me to continue? I am annoyed that some one has been complaining in the _Times_ that "A Chief of a Rental Department" (invariably a person of the highest respectability) has a right to the title of "an arbitrary cove!" _The Com._ No doubt someone (who showed his wisdom in appealing to so powerful a tribunal) gave his reasons? _Shareh._ Well, yes; he certainly had been served with a demand to pay £1 4s. 10d. within three days, to "prevent the necessity" of the gas supply to his premises being discontinued at a time when he and his family were out of Town, and his house was closed for the recess. _The Com._ _Primâ facie_, that seems a strong order! And I suppose the complainant wrote to the Gas Company, and got no redress? _Shareh._ Well, yes. But then, you see, this demand for payment within three days may have been a final notice. _The Com._ (_drily_). Seems to have been very final indeed! Was there anything on the face of the notice to distinguish it from an ordinary unstamped circular? _Shareh._ No, I believe not. But, then, possibly, the account had been submitted to him before.