(_Reply to the above query._) "_Oh, not at all!_" i.e., "Beastly thing! If he wasn't so confoundedly selfish and stingy, he'd throw it away." * * * * * "I'M AFLOAT!" (NEWCASTLE-ON-TYNE VERSION.) [Illustration] I'm afloat, I'm afloat on the coaly black Tyne! The draft licence sent me I begged to decline; Though other chaps had 'em, they were not for me; I prefer a free flag, on the strictest Q.T. A sly "floating factory" thus I set up (I'm a mixture of RUPERT the Rover and KRUPP). At Jarrow Slake moored, my trim wherry or boat I rejoiced in, and sung "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!" For quick-firing guns ammunition I made, Engaging (says FORD) in the contraband trade. An inquest _was_ held, but its verdict cleared _me_. I'm afloat, I'm afloat, and the Rover is free! I fear not the Government, heed not its law. Much rumpus is made, we shall hear lots of jaw: An explosion took place on October the third, My sly "floating factory" blew up like a bird. It killed one poor fellow, and damaged a lot, But I am a Great Gun, and got off like a shot; Indeed all were well, but for cold Colonel FORD, Who blames _me_, the Rover! Too bad, on my word! The Pirate of Elswick shall not be the sport of a fussy Commission's ill-tempered Report. To bring me to book is all fiddlededee-- I'm afloat, I'm afloat, and the Rover is free! I contraband, careless? Why, everyone owns _That_ is natural, 'neath the black flag and cross-bones. No mere paltry maker of fireworks am I, But a Rover who's free, whose sole roof is the sky. The law of the land may the petty appal. But frighten the Rover? Oh no, not at all! And ne'er to Commissions or Colonels I'll yield, Whilst there's Black Tyne to back me or Whitehall to shield. Unfurl the Black Flag! shake its folds to the wind! And I'll warrant we'll soon leave sea-lawyers behind. Up, up with the flag! Pirate's licence for me! I'm afloat, I'm afloat, and the Rover is free! * * * * * DEFINITION OF MILITARY MANOEUVRES.--"Peace-work." DARWINITES.--"The Evolutionary Squadron." * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Speaking of _Reynart the Fox_, I was made, by a slip of the printer's hand--I am accustomed to seeing slips _from_ his hand, which is quite another thing--to say that this mediæval romance "presents a truer picture of life than novels in which vice is punished and virtue patiently rewarded." After considering for some time what on earth I could have meant by "patiently rewarded," I remembered that I had written "patently rewarded." The printer put my "i" out; and without an "i" it was very difficult to perceive the sense of the phrase. [Illustration]