Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, September 6, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, September 6, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Shortly afterwards the Undomestic Daughter discovers that nature
intended her to be a hospital nurse, and she takes advantage of a
period when her mother, being occupied in tending a younger brother
through scarlatina cannot offer a determined opposition, to wring an
unwilling consent from her father, and to leave her home in order to
carry out her plan. This phase, however, does not last many weeks, and
she is soon back once more on the parental hands. Thus the years pass
on, the monotony of neglecting her home being varied by occasional
outbursts of enthusiasm which carry her on distant expeditions in
strange company. During one of these she falls in with a lay-preacher,
who to a powerful and convincing style adds the fascination of having
been turned from an early life of undoubted dissipation. She sits at
his feet, she flatters him as only a woman can flatter a preacher, and
having eventually married him, she helps him to found a new religion
during the intervals that she can spare from the foundation of a
considerable family. Warned by her own experience, she will never
allow her daughters to be seen without their sewing or their knitting.
Her sons will all be forced to learn useful trades, and it is quite
possible that as time passes she may irritate even her husband, by
constantly holding herself up to her somewhat discontented family as a
pattern of all the domestic virtues.
* * * * *
NURSERY RHYME.
(_TRADE'S UNION VERSION._)
Bah! bah! Blackleg! Have you any pluck?
Backing up the Masters when the Men have struck!
You're for the Master, we're for the Man!
"Picket" you, and "Boycott" you; that is BURNS's plan!
* * * * *
The Waterloo Monument at Brussels, in the suburban cemetery of Evère.
_Motto_:--"For Evère and for Evère!"
* * * * *
PRIZE EPITAPH.
"A deep impression," said the _Standard_, last Wednesday, "was made on
the hearers" (i.e., Prince BISMARCK'S audience at Kissengen) "when, in
reply to a remark by one of the guests" (remark and name of immortal
guest not reported), "the Ex-Chancellor said, 'My only ambition now
is a good epitaph. I hope and beg for this.'" May it be long ere
necessity imperatively demands his epitaph, good or indifferent, say
all of us. But in the meantime, and to come to business, how much will
the Ex-Chancellor give? Why not advertise, "A prize of ---- (we leave
it to the Prince to fill up the blank) will be given for the best
epitaph"? With characteristic modesty, Prince BISMARCK, as reported,
only asks for "a _good_ epitaph." Why shouldn't he have the best that
money can buy, and brains sell? Correspondents have already commenced:
here are a few:--
"Beneath this slab the bones
of this great boss are.
Can Ossa speak? And would
they say 'Canossa?'"
A would-be Competitor sends this,--
"Here lies BISMARCK--
He made _his_ mark."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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