Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
It is pleasant for PUNCHINELLO to draw the attention of his readers to
the fact that this, his First Number, is dated April 2d--the day after
All Fools' Day. This is cheering; since thus it is manifest that
PUNCHINELLO leaves all the fools and jesters behind, and is, therefore,
first in the race for the crown of comic laurel and the quiver of
satiric shafts.
And now, by DAN PHOEBUS!--that's the DAN (ah!) that drives the _Sun_, you
know, and is the biggest spot upon it--here we find that we have talked
ourself all the way to DELMONICO'S, and there's CHARLEY on the lookout.
_Punchinello:_ "Good evening, Mr. DELMONICO; have you any room for us?"
_Delmonico:_ "You are very welcome, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, and your rooms are
quite ready; for we have been expecting you ever so long. Of course,
your staff of artists can be accommodated in our Drawing-room, if you
will permit me to throw off so insignificant a joke."
_Punchinello:_ "Tut, CHARLES!--'tis a joke of the first water, (first
brandy-and-water, CHARLES.) Cap your joke with another as good, and then
consider yourself on our staff. Lead us to our apartments, CHARLES."
And so, looking from his pleasant Fifth Avenue windows, PUNCHINELLO
waves a salutation to his audience with a "May you be happy, each and
all of you, and live all your days in clover," (admission ten cents.)
* * * * *
PUNCHINELLO'S NEW CHARTER.
THE GREAT PLATFORM OF THE RINGS.
The Lions and the Lambs lie down together,
While the "Sun" stands still.
The People of the State of New-York, represented by PUNCHINELLO and his
troop of admirers, hereby enact:
§ 1. All the offices now provided by law with within the City and County
of New-York, shall be put in a grand grab-bag;
§ 2. It shall be the duty of the Commissioners of the Central Park to
devote said Park, on the Fourth day of July next, to the erection of
poles (or polls) for the purpose of enabling voters to grab from the
grab-bag.
§ 3. HORACE GREELEY, PETER COOPER, the Rev. Dr. THOMPSON, DANIEL DREW,
and REDDY THE BLACKSMITH, are hereby constituted Inspectors and
Canvassers for the grabbers.
§ 4. It shall be the duty of the said inspectors to prepare a
registry-list of all the persons intending to grab, who are required to
serve a notice of intention through the post-office upon REDDY THE
BLACKSMITH, the Chairman. DANIEL DREW is to provide funds wherewith to
pay the postage.
§ 5. The registry-list shall be alphabetically prepared, and the number
of chances shall be determined by dividing the number of grabbers by the
number of offices.
§ 6. The grabbers shall be selected by lot.
§ 7. The lots shall be drawn by REDDY THE BLACKSMITH from his own hat,
his eyes wide open, while every other inspector, and the voters, shall
be blindfolded with newspapers from the files of the _Christian Union_;
whereupon, as the names of the fortunate grabbers are called, each one
shall proceed to the grab-bag and grab his office.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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