Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
§ 8. There shall be no repeaters of the process.
§ 9. The persons thus grabbing offices shall be then and there, by the
Inspectors, declared duly elected to the offices grabbed, for life.
§ 10. Any vacancy occurring by assassination shall be immediately filled
by the Inspectors appointing the assassin.
§ 11. Every person owning real estate on the Island shall contribute one
ninety-ninth part of his income to the said grab-bag. On the following
Christmas, in the presence of the grab income-bents of offices, the
Inspectors shall proceed to divide the proceeds of these taxable
contributions, and one half of these proceeds shall be equally divided
among the grab income-bents of offices. The other half shall be devoted
to paving every conceivable surface of the city with wooden pavement.
§ 12. Owners of real estate in the city of New York are hereby allowed
to make their own arrangements with the gas companies for the supply of
light; but nothing herein shall be construed to devote any part of the
proceeds to light the public streets at night and real estate owners
shall be allowed to make their own arrangements for the supply of water
with the grab income-bents of the Croton Grab Board.
§ 13. The sewers of the city shall be converted to burial places for
persons assassinated at political meetings.
§ 14. Nothing herein contained shall be so construed as to permit any
judge to grant an injunction against any grabbers of the offices.
§ 15. The "dead-beats," heretofore known as policemen and soldiers of
the first division, are hereby legislated out of office, and it shall be
a felony punishable with assassination for any one to go unarmed with a
six-shooter.
§ 16. All provisions of the United States or State constitutions
inconsistent with the above provisions are hereby repealed.
* * * * *
From Gertrude of Wyoming.
Because a jury-mast is a makeshift for a lost spar, it does not
follow that a jury-woman is a make-shift for any body. In fact, the
women who sit upon juries are not the sort of women who personally
supply the family linen.
* * * * *
SURE TO BE LOST AT C.--Signor LEFRANC's voice, if he continues to
recklessly strain it with his chest C.
* * * * *
HINTS FOR THE FAMILY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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