PETER _devotes himself to the virtuous task of insulting every person in the room, thereby proving how much superior a cow-boy from New Hampshire is to the wretched resident of the city, whom fate has made a base and villainous gentleman. The_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN _goes through with a complicated fit of St. Vitus's Dance, by way of preserving a cool exterior, and thus allaying the suspicions of_ PETER. _Various_ TEDIOUS PEOPLE _enter and converse tediously with the_ IRRELEVANT PEOPLE. _After a time the stage-carpenters suddenly decide to lower the curtain, and thus put an end to an act that might otherwise go on forever._ ACT II. _Enter_ PETER. "Jewhillikins! This is a nice garden. What pesky villains all these people must be, considerin' that they wear good clothes and don't break the furnitoor. There's that chap that deserted his wife. I'll fix him."--_Hides himself in an arbor._ _Enter_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN.--"Confusion! Can the bumpkin suspect me? In order to avert suspicion, I will confide everything to the friendly air."--_Relates his past life and future plans, at the top of his lungs, and then returns to the house._ _Enter_ PREPOSTEROUS UNCLE, _and various_ TEDIOUS PEOPLE, _who all want to marry_ BLANCHE. _They converse tediously and go away again. Applause! Enter_ BLANCHE _and_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN. PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN.--"Confusion! Can the bumpkin suspect me? BLANCHE, we must fly to-night. Not a moment is to be lost." _Re-enter_ PETER. "Jewhillikins! BLANCHE, I want to talk a spell with yon."--To PLAUSTBLE VILLAIN "Go into the haouse, will you?"--_He goes_. BLANCHE, "What do you want, PETER? Why do you tear my dress, and scratch your head so persistently?" PETER. "Jewhillikins! That feller you love is a scoundrel. I'll prove it. Will you believe it after it's proved?" BLANCHE, (_With a fine sense of what is truly womanly_.) "Of course I won't believe it. I despise proofs and arguments." _Enter_ TEDIOUS PEOPLE _and_ IREELEVANT PEOPLE. _They converse more tediously and irrelevantly than before. At last the carpenters, who have been out for beer, return and drop the curtain._ ACT III. _Enter_ PETER, _in the clothes of an ordinary Christian. He practices a frightful dance, and remarks at intervals,_ "Jewhillikins." _Enter_ BLANCHE _and_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN. _The latter notices_ PETER, _with convulsive alarm._ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN. "Confusion! Can he suspect me? BLANCHE, we must fly at once. There is not a moment to lose." _Enter_ EVERYBODY. _A quadrille is formed._ PETER _dances and falls over everybody else. The quadrille ends._ PETER _rises and remarks, "Jewhillikins." He goes out and returns, bringing the_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN'S _wife with him. The_ PLAUSIBLE VILLAIN _repents._ BLANCHE _consents to marry_ PETER. _Various preposterous engagements are entered into by the_ TEDIOUS _and the_ IRRELEVANT PEOPLE. _And at last the play is over._