Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 12, June 18, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 12, June 18, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Mr. CHANDLER declined to accept any suggestion from a man who went to
diplomatic dinners, and consorted with Englishmen. He had been told that
at these dinners, to which he was proud to say he had never gone, and to
which, while the custom of issuing invitations prevailed, he never
would go, Mr. SUMNER ate with his fork. Such a man could not be a true
American.
Mr. MORRILL introduced a bill to increase the mileage of members.
Notoriously, he observed, the mileage of members was scandalously small.
He knew that the self-sacrificing nature of the senators would delight
to pay this tribute to the fidelity of themselves, and the equally
deserving public servants of the other house. Passed with acclamations.
A resolution was introduced to appropriate a few millions towards the
discovery of the North Pole.
Mr. SAULSBURY said--Whazyoose?
Mr. SUMNER explained that it would be a good thing for science.
Mr. COLE explained that it would be an enormous thing for fishermen.
Mr. YATES explained that it would be a vast thing for "cobblers."
Mr. SAULSBURY said--Ah, B'gthing on Ice.
Mr. MORRILL moved to extend the Capitol grounds to the next lot.
Mr. YATES moved to extend them to Chicago.
Mr. MORTON moved to extend them to Indianapolis.
Mr. CHANDLER wildly shrieked Detroit.
Mr. SUMNER faintly murmured Boston.
HOUSE.
Somebody introduced a bill to pension the soldiers of 1812. Somebody
else wanted to amend it by providing that no soldier of 1812 who aided
and comforted the recent rebellion should get any pension.
Even Mr. BUTLER showed gleams of good feeling. He said that the lot of
these men was hard. They were liable to be brought out upon platforms
every Fourth of July, and obliged to sit and blink under patriotic
eloquence for hours. It was their dreadful lot subsequently to eat
public dinners in country taverns, which brought their gray hairs down
in sorrow and indigestion to the grave. The notion of these senile and
patriotic duffers aiding and comforting the rebellion was preposterous.
Their eyes purged thick amber and plum-tree gum, and they had no notion
of doing anything but drawing their pensions, and getting three meals a
day, with a horrible fourth on the glorious Fourth.
Mr. LOGAN said this position was outrageous. He knew that some of these
hoary wretches in his own district were so fully in sympathy with the
rebellion as actually to refuse to vote for him, when carriages were
sent to convey them to the polls. Such men ought not to receive a
dollar.
Mr. BUTLER not only reaffirmed his previous statements, but reintroduced
his resolution to annex Dominica.
Mr. KELLEY desired to abolish the income tax. He said that some of his
most influential constituents disliked it. They would not pay. To lie
they were ashamed. If a sufficient tariff were put upon pig-iron there
would be no need of providing for this petty Tacks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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