MRS. G.-G. (_severely_). If I cannot expect to win the prize without descending to floweriness, whose fault is _that_, I should like to know? If you can't make sensible observations, you had better not speak at all. (_Continuing._) "Over and over again, gathering me in his strong, loving arms, and pressing fervent kisses upon my forehead, he has cried, 'Why am I not a Monarch that so I could place a diadem upon that brow? With such a Consort am I not doubly crowned?'" Have you anything to say to _that_, Galahad? MR. G.-G. Only, my love, that I--I don't seem to remember having made that particular remark. MRS. G.-G. Then make it _now_. I'm sure I wish to be as accurate as I _can_. [_MR. G.-G. makes the remark--but without fervour._ _Scene the Second--At the MONARCH-JONES'._ MR. M.-J. Twenty quid would come in precious handy just now, after all I've dropped lately, and I mean to pouch that prize if I can--so just you sit down, Grizzle, and write out what I tell you; do you hear? MRS. M.-J. (_timidly_). But, Monarch, dear, would that be quite _fair_? No, don't be angry, I didn't mean that--I'll write whatever you please! MR. M.-J. You'd _better_, that's all! Are you ready? I must screw myself up another peg before I begin. (_He screws._) Now, then. (_Stands over her and dictates._) "To the polished urbanity of a perfect gentleman he unites the kindly charity of a true Christian." (Why the devil don't you learn to write decently, eh?) "Liberal, and even lavish, in all his dealings, he is yet a stern foe to every kind of excess"--(Hold on a bit, I must have another nip after that)--"every kind of excess. Our married life is one long dream of blissful contentment, in which each contends with the other in loving self-sacrifice." (Haven't you corked all that down _yet_!) "Such cares and anxieties as he has he conceals from me with scrupulous consideration as long as possible"--(Gad, I should be a fool if I _didn't_!)--"while I am ever sure of finding in him a patient and sympathetic listener to all my trifling worries and difficulties."--(_Two_ f's in difficulties, you little fool--can't you even _spell_?) "Many a time, falling on his knees at my feet, he has rapturously exclaimed, his accents broken by manly emotion, 'Oh, that I were more worthy of such a pearl among women! With such a helpmate, I am indeed to be envied!'" That _ought_ to do the trick. If I don't romp in after that!----(_Observing that MRS. M.-J.'S shoulders are convulsed._) What the dooce are you giggling at _now_? MRS. M.-J. I--I wasn't giggling, Monarch dear, only---- MR. M.-J. Only _what_? MRS. M.-J. Only crying! _The Sequel._