[_After this practical illustration of their efficacy, he pauses for oratorical effect, and a hard-worked-looking matron purchases three packets, in the apparent hope that a similar halo of the best horehound will shortly irradiate the head of her household._ LIZERANN (_to SUSAN JANE, as they walk homewards_). On'y fancy--the other evenin', as I was walkin' along this very pavement, a cab-'orse come up beyind me, unbeknown like, and put 'is 'ed over my shoulder and breathed right in my ear! SUSAN JANE (_awestruck_). You _must_ ha' bin a bad gell! [_LIZERANN is clearly disquieted by so mystical an interpretation, even while she denies having done anything deserving of a supernatural rebuke._ [Illustration] THE "MODEL HUSBAND" CONTEST. _Scene the First--At the GALAHAD-GREEN'S._ MRS. G.-G. Galahad! MR. G.-G. (_meekly_). My love? MRS. G.-G. I see that the proprietors of _All Sorts_ are going to follow the American example, and offer a prize of £20 to the wife who makes out the best case for her husband as a Model. It's just as well, perhaps, that you should know that I've made up my mind to enter _you_! MR. G.-G. (_gratified_). My dear Cornelia! really, I'd no idea you had such a---- MRS. G.-G. Nonsense! The drawing-room carpet is a perfect disgrace, and, as you can't, or won't, provide the money in any _other_ way, why----Would you like to hear what I've said about you? MR. G.-G. Well, if you're sure it wouldn't be troubling you too much, I _should_, my dear. MRS. G.-G. Then sit where I can see you, and listen. (_She reads._) "Irreproachable in all that pertains to morality"--(and it would be a bad day indeed for you, Galahad, if I ever had cause to think _otherwise_!)--"morality; scrupulously dainty and neat in his person"--(ah, you may well blush, Galahad, but fortunately, they won't want me to _produce_ you!)--"he imports into our happy home the delicate refinement of a _preux chevalier_ of the olden time." (Will you kindly take your dirty boots off the steel fender!) "We rule our little kingdom with a joint and equal sway, to which jealousy and friction are alike unknown; he, considerate and indulgent to my womanly weakness"--(You need not stare at me in that perfectly idiotic fashion!)--"I, looking to him for the wise and tender support which has never yet been denied. The close and daily scrutiny of many years has discovered"--(What are you shaking like _that_ for?)--"discovered no single weakness; no taint or flaw of character; no irritating trick of speech or habit." (How often have I told you that I will _not_ have the handle of that paper-knife sucked? Put it down; do!) "His conversation--sparkling but ever spiritual--renders our modest meals veritable feasts of fancy and flows of soul.... _Well_, Galahad?" MR. G.-G. Nothing, my dear; nothing. It struck me as, well,--a trifle _flowery_, that last passage, that's all!