Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's Show — John Shaqi
Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's ShowAnstey, F.
General
Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's Show
Anstey, F.
English wit and humor
The VERGER. At the back of the choir, and immediately in front of you,
is the shrine, formerly containing the bones of St. Chasuble, with
relics of St. Alb. (_An_ EVANGELICAL SIGHTSEER _snorts in disapproval._)
The 'ollow depressions in the steps leading up to the shrine, which are
still visible, were worn away, as you see, by the pilgrims ascending on
their knees. (_The party verify the depressions conscientiously, and
click their tongues to express indulgent contempt._) The spaces between
the harches of the shrine were originally enriched by valuable gems and
mosaics, all of which 'ave now long since disappeared, 'aving been
removed by the more devout parties who came 'ere on pilgrimages. In the
chapel to your left a monument with recumbent heffigies of Bishop
Buttress and Dean Gurgoyle, represented laying side by side with clasped
'ands, in token of the lifelong affection between them. The late Bishop
used to make a rather facetious remark about this tomb. He was in the
'abit of observing that it was the honly instance in _his_ experience of
a Bishop being on friendly terms with his Dean. (_He glances round for
appreciation of this instance of episcopal humour, but is pained to find
that it has produced a general gloom; the_ EVANGELICAL SIGHTSEER,
_indeed, conveys by another and a louder snort, his sense that a Bishop
ought to set a better example._) In the harched recess to your right, a
monument in painted halibarster to Sir Ralph Ringdove and his lady,
erected immediately after her decease by the disconsolate widower, with
a touching inscription in Latin, stating that their ashes would shortly
be commingled in the tomb. (_He pauses, to allow the ladies of the party
to express a becoming sympathy--which they do, by clicks._) Sir Ralph
himself, however, is interred in Ficklebury Parish Church, forty mile
from this spot, along with his third wife, who survived him.
[_The ladies regard the image of Sir Ralph with
indignation, and pass on; the_ VERGER _chuckles faintly at
having produced his effect._
The EVANGELICAL S. (_snuffing the air suspiciously_). I'm sorry to
perceive that you are in the habit of burning _incense_ here!
[_He looks sternly at the_ VERGER, _as though to imply that it
is useless to impose upon him._
The VERGER. No, Sir, what you smell ain't incense--on'y the vaults after
the damp weather we've bin 'aving.
[_The_ EVANGELICAL SIGHTSEER _drops behind, divided between
relief and disappointment._
A PLASTIC S. (_to the_ VERGER). What a perfectly _exquisite_ rose-window
that is! For all the world like a kaleidoscope. I suppose it dates from
the Norman period, at _least_?
The VERGER (_coldly_). No, Ma'am, it was only put up about thirty year
ago. _We_ consider it the poorest glass we 'ave.
The PLAST. S. Oh, the glass, yes; _that's_ hideous, certainly. I meant
the--the other part.
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