"You may be surprised to hear this from me," she continued; "but must
we not all, sooner or later, learn the lesson of resignation? And my
time surely has come. Indeed, it has been so all my life. What have not
I had to resign in the course of my life! Or do you think that the
husband's wealth can blind the wife, if she be proud, to the
consciousness that she is not loved as she longs, and as, may be, she
deserves to be loved?"
Bertram knew these phrases from of old; but he said to himself that
to-day particularly he must make the best of everything, so he
exclaimed--
"Is it possible, my friend, that you still cherish this hypochondriacal
fear which you have given utterance to before, but from which I deemed
you cured long ago? How can you complain of a deficiency in love, when
your husband positively adores you? You can utter no wish, simply
because what you could wish for is already fulfilled. Or you need but
have a wish, and it is forthwith fulfilled."
"You are pleading for the friend of your youth," she made answer,
raising her dark eyebrows. "Do not forget this: I am bringing no charge
against him. I am resigned. Were I to die to-day, what would his loss
come to? What would he miss?"
"The brightness of his life," Bertram replied gallantly.
"As if he cared for the brightness of his life!" said his wife. "Is it
so? Does he share one of my fancies, my harmless _penchants_? Does he
not vainly strive to appear interested in the things of beauty with
which I love to surround, myself and to decorate our dwelling? Did he
not consent wit evident repugnance to have the mansion-house restored
in a style befitting a whilom princely residence--to let me seek out
and renew the old, tangled paths through the Park? Does he support me
in my humane undertakings? Have I not had to beg the few thousand
thalers from him that I required for my Kindergarten and for my
poorhouse? Why, he lives solely for his porcelain factory, his sugar
refinery, his coal-mines, his new railway project! I say again: I have
accepted all this as inevitable, and as a matter of course, as long as
I alone was concerned, as long as I alone suffered. But, indeed, to
bring Erna into this life of trivialities, to leave the dear child in a
sphere where she sees nothing, hears nothing, that could give the
slightest nourishment to head or heart, where anything and everything
revolves round Mammon, is sacrificed to Mammon--that is beyond me,
beyond my strength!"
"Then, if I understand you aright, you wish, to get Erna married?"
Through the soft, velvety radiance of the deep-brown eyes flashed
something like a deeper light. The question was evidently not
expected--at least not yet--but the next moment already her eyes had
resumed their customary expression, and she forced those beautiful lips
to smile, as she said, in a tone of gentle reproach--
"Let us express it rather less egotistically. I should like Erna to
find a husband worthy of her."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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