Prostitutes -- Fiction; United States -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
--You are Fanny Dirk, Mrs. Luve.... I’ll keep that name! And you have
gotten tired already, tired of what if you look and face it you will
find all bundled and labelled in two years. Labelled to know, Bundled
... to throw out! That’s clear, though the facing, the training of my
eyes and the opening of my mind to hold what I face, is going to be
hard.... Here is an autumn day and a dear man trudging so you are alone
with it. Day of glory, day of flame, day of death. The leaves are
singing for they are going to fall. The trees are singing for they are
going to sleep. The world is a maze of trumpeting insects, loomed with
flutters of dry grass, trill of seed, for soon comes snow stillness. O
Fanny, once you were Springtime! I hear a man talk blossom and I feel
September. The bundles ... the labels ... two years inventoried! Aren’t
you a business woman, Fanny, earning two thousand a year? A year ... two
years. Each year has a Spring and a Fall. A third year might green if
you burn away like these trees.
“It is simply,” she whispered to herself, and the man watched her mouth:
“do I want to green like these trees?... When will I learn to think?”
She knew already what was to be.
She struggled only, she gave this full free day in the air only, to know
Why. Did not the world have reasons? She had suffered losing two lives
that grew within her flesh. She had asked Why, and in the questioning
been rent away so even these agonies were dim: they were worlds dead
like dim moons in the dawn of her adventure. And that adventure was Why!
--Why shall I say No very soon ... so very soon? Why am I going to leave
the warm of this dear man, the ease, the goodness of it all--why am I
going to push him back into new Emptiness?
She saw him that first day: his arms thrust out, nervous arms, haggard
hands, hair wet ... _business man_! this big bumping child, bumping in
Emptiness? Dear ... so good (she could see that at once as of a horse
and a dog all in one, and his life a currycomb brushing wrong, a bone
marrowless): now, back he goes into worse Emptiness. Why?
--Tell me trees....
I am not tired, I am rested.
In the arms of this man, with my face turned away, I have rested.
I can bear what you tell me....
I am hard like you.
... That afternoon, the ninth of beating about on pavement until
pavement tumored upward through her legs, her bowels, her blood,
stiffened her brain ... that afternoon she had felt strong again
sudden.--So this is Business? this soft flesh in the hard City?
“Mr. Johns, you must let me have that place,” she told him very calmly.
The next day she hung her coat on the costumer in the corner away from
the open window. A grey wall rose beyond eyes, shrill greenish white
electric bulbs blazed, shutting them all together, papers typewriter
woman and desks and murmur beyond: she found she wished to smile.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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