Red Saunders' Pets and Other CrittersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Red Saunders' Pets and Other Critters
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Humorous stories
Charley and I went right on cleaning out the shed. We weren't going to
tell on Oscar.
"So it's him again, heh?" shrieked Steve. "Well, now I propose to show
him something. I'll show him everything!" He was entirely beyond the
influence of reason and grammar. Charley had an ill-advised notion to
play the paternal.
"Now, I'd cool down if I was you, Steve," he admonished.
"You would, would you!" foamed Steve. "Well, who the devil cares what
you'd do, anyhow? And if you tell me to cool down just once more, I'll
drive you into the ground like a tent-pin."
I jumped through the window, and then laughed, while Charley
administered his reproof with appropriate gestures. His long arms flew
in the air as he delivered the inspired address, Steve looking at him,
a bit of shamefacedness and fun showing through his heat.
"An' mo' I tell you, Steven P. Hendricks!" rolled out Charley in
conclusion. "That this citizen of Texas, jus'ly and rightjus'ly called
the Lone Star State, has never yet experienced the feeling of bein'
daunted by face of man. No, su'! By God, su'!" He held the shovel
aloft like a sword. "Let 'em come as they will, male and female after
their kind, from a ninety poun' Jew peddler to Sittin' Bull himself,
and from a pigeon-toed Digger-Injun squaw to a fo'-hundred-weight Dutch
lady, I turn my back on none!"
"You win, Charley," said Steve, and walked off. All Oscar caught out
of it was the request that when he felt like reducing the stock on the
ranch he'd take a rifle.
Poor Oscar! All noble and heroic sentiments struggling within him,
with no outlet but a hesitating advancing of the theory that "if we
didn't get rain before long, the country'd be awful dry." Small wonder
that he burst out in the bull-pen one night with "I wish the Injuns
would jump this ranch!"
"You do?" said Charley. "Well, durn your hide for that wish! What's
got into you to make you wish that?"
"Aw!" said Oscar, twitching around on his stool, "I'm sick and tired of
not being able to say anything. If the Sioux got up, I could do
something."
"Oh, that's it," retorted Charles. "Well, Oscar, far's I can see, if
it's necessary to have a war-party of Injuns whoopin' an' yellin' an'
crow-hoppin' an' makin' fancywork out of people to give you the proper
start afore your gal, it'd be jes' as well for you to stay single the
res' of your days. The results wouldn't justify the trouble."
Afterward Oscar told me in private that Charley was an old stiff, and
he didn't believe he'd make a chest at a grasshopper if the latter
spunked up any. That wronged old Charley. But Oscar must be
excused--he was a singularly unhappy man.
To come back to what happened. Oscar that morning had the care of
Geronimo, a coal-black, man-eating stallion, a brute as utterly devoid
of fear as of docility. A tiger kills to eat, and occasionally for the
fun of it; that horse killed out of ferocity, and hate of every living
thing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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