Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
The examination had taken place early in May, but the summer term was
nearly over before news of the results arrived. When it came, it made
but a small sensation. The school had tired of waiting. Not only was its
own more intimate examination drawing near, but its many heads were
filled, to the exclusion of all else, with the excitements and rivalries
of the summer theatricals.
The school play was an institution. Of late years--ever since she had
joined the staff indeed--it had grown into an annual personal triumph
for Miss Hartill.
Clare was blessed--cursed--with that sixth sense, the _sens du théâtre_.
Her own nature was, in essence, theatrical; her frigid and fastidious
reserve warring incessantly with her irrepressible love of the scene for
its own sake. She was aware of the trait and humiliated by its presence
in her character. Usually she would curb her inclination with a severity
that was in itself histrionic: at times she indulged it with voluptuous
recklessness.
As a girl, the stage had appealed to her strongly; but her excessive
squeamishness, with her acute sense of personal, bodily dignity, closed
it to her as a career. Also her love of power. Though she knew little of
stage life she had sufficient intuition to gauge correctly what she
might become. Successful necessarily--dominant never. And she required a
dais. But the compelling woman, she knew, is successful through her
combination of intellectual strength with sexual charm. She must not
scruple to use all the weapons at her service. Clare had told herself
that there were some weapons to which she would never condescend. If
sting had lain in the fact that, though she would, they were not hers to
use, she did not acknowledge it, even to herself. Resolutely she put
from her the idea of fostering a useless talent; and the desire to
exploit it, save surreptitiously in social intercourse, dulled as she
grew older.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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