Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
But far away, on the summit of that difficult hill, stood a house. An
old house, gaily bricked, dressed in ivy, with a belfry from which
carols rang out unceasingly. It was always night-time where it stood and
cheerful lights were set in every window. Alwynne never saw the house
till she had turned the bend of the road into November; then it faced
her suddenly and she would wave to the distant windows with a thrill of
excitement, and quicken her steps, with the goal of the journey in sight
at last. There was yet a weary climb before it was reached; every day of
December was a boulder, painfully beclambered. But she would come to the
gates at last, and tear up the frosty drive, from the shadow of whose
shrubberies Jacob Marley peered and clanked at her and ghosts of
Christmas turkeys gobbled horribly, to the open holly-hung doorway where
Santa Claus, authentic in beard and dressing-gown, welcomed her with
Elsbeth's voice. Followed stay-at-home days of delirious merry-making,
from which she awoke a week later, to find herself, her back to a closed
door, a spent cracker in her hand, looking out again, eager and a little
wistful, across the white untrodden plain of yet another January.
But ever the next Christmas beckoned her anew.
To Elsbeth, too, Christmas was the day of delights, and Alwynne the
queen of it. To Elsbeth, too, the pleasure of it began many weeks
earlier in the secret fashioning of quaint gifts and surprises, and the
anticipation of the small niece's delight in them. Elsbeth would have
cheerfully cut off one of her slim fingers if Alwynne had happened to
covet it. The childless woman loved Alwynne--the child in Alwynne she
worshipped.
But though the delight of actual motherhood was denied Elsbeth, she was
spared none of its chagrins.
Stooping for years to a child's level, she was cruelly shaken when
Alwynne, suddenly and inexplicably, as it always seems, grew up. It took
Elsbeth almost as many years to straighten herself again. Years when
Alwynne, in the arrogance of her enterprising youth, thought that
Elsbeth was sometimes awfully childish. She supposed that she was
growing old; she used not to be like that....
Thereafter, each Christmas, challenging comparison as it did with the
memory-mellowed charm of its forerunners, emphasised the change that had
taken place. Yearly the ideal Christmas lured them to the old
observances; yearly the reality satisfied them less.
Elsbeth still sat up half the night on Christmas Eve, at work upon the
little tree. Alwynne still planned gorgeous and laborious presents for
her aunt. Elsbeth still filled a stocking (out-size) with tip-toe
secrecy, and Alwynne, at sixteen, still ran across in her dressing-gown,
and curled up on Elsbeth's bed to unpack it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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